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“Cancer Was Not a Gift” – One Book Club’s Feedback

“Cancer Was Not a Gift” – One Book Club’s Feedback

Some of you might remember (or not) a while back I invited book clubs to consider reading and reviewing my memoir. I offered to provide free books to the first club willing to not only read my memoir, but also to report back about the experience. Shortly after, I was contacted by Sandy who told me her club was willing and able. I shared with Sandy that I wanted nothing less than complete honesty. Be careful what you ask for, right?

I’m kidding. I love fair, honest criticism and praise, too, of course.

Sandy’s group read my memoir in October. Perfect timing! I sent a questionnaire for the group’s members to respond to. And now it’s time to report back. Okay, it’s past time; I’m slow.

Thank you to all the ladies in this club for reading and sharing so candidly.

The group presently has 10 members (I think), five have had cancer themselves. They all know someone who has. I’m sharing feedback to a few questions I posed that I thought you, my dear readers, might be most interested in. I received feedback from eight club members. The readers’ responses are shared here as they were shared with me; not everyone answered all questions. Two members read Nancy’s Point. (Thank you!) I refrained from commenting on responses. (Yes, this was hard!)

1. When you first read the title of my memoir, what was your reaction, and did it make you want to read it?

  • What? Someone said this?
  • The title was troubling.
  • Unsure, I am a cancer survivor, so not sure I wanted to revisit.
  • Curious and unsure
  • Not especially
  • Intriguing, as a survivor it gave me some sense of comfort being able to verbalize this thinking.
  • Yes, I wanted to hear your story.
  • Light-hearted; it sounded as if we wouldn’t be too depressed.

2. Did you feel the author was too angry or negative?

  • No
  • I thought she was very honest.
  • No
  • Sometimes
  • Negativity turned to anger that never resolved
  • Both!
  • Yes, yes, and yes!!
  • Never, as releasing emotion is a survival skill.

3. Do you feel this memoir will help others better understand what it’s like to be diagnosed with breast cancer and/or metastatic breast cancer?

  • No one can understand someone else’s experience.
  • Absolutely not
  • No, not at all, too negative a tone, not uplifting
  • Not having experienced cancer, I’d be reluctant to say.
  • A book to read after the diagnosis, surgery, radiation, chemo as there’s a little more fear and anger expressed which is good to acknowledge but not to get stuck in the difficulties.
  • I do. I knew very little.
  • Yes, but each person’s experiences and personality will personalize her thoughts, understandings and feelings.
  • Certainly from a procedural point of view

4. Will you recommend this book to other individuals, support groups, cancer libraries, book clubs? 

  • No
  • Yes, the more shared experiences the better.
  • Yes, one learns the entire process of breast cancer.
  • I’d decide on an individual basis.
  • No
  • No, it’s too negative.
  • No, it’s not a reflection of my experience.
  • Yes, because of your honesty and because I love memoirs.

5.  Sum up this memoir in two or three words.

  • One woman’s loss
  • Honest, gripping, emotionally encompassing
  • Descriptive
  • Pragmatic, heartbreaking, realistic
  • Very informative
  • Informative, detailed, negative
  • Defensive, specific

6.  What is your biggest take-away from this book?

  • I’ll continue to hope not to get breast cancer.
  • Sharing your personal story is wonderful and helps lighten the load.
  • Breast cancer can be cured if found early – have your mammogram.
  • It’s okay to have dark thoughts and feelings. Cancer doesn’t always have a happy ending. When anger and negativity can’t be resolved, get help.
  • Everyone has different experiences.
  • I felt profoundly sad that Nancy isolated herself from every opportunity to create a positive event in her life. This should have been a bonding time between she and daughter, she and her sisters and she and other patients. If you want to live, sometimes you have to fight for your life. I get a hospital news letter which occasionally runs a cancer patient’s story. Your story and theirs – very similar. Choose life no matter the struggle.

So, that’s a sampling. 

At first, my feelings were a little hurt that everyone did not love it. But immediately, okay, almost immediately, I reminded myself that first of all, not everyone likes memoirs, especially cancer memoirs. Secondly, many people will always expect a positive outlook, even regarding cancer.

There was lots more feedback shared, but I don’t want this post to get too long.

My main conclusion based on the feedback:  

Half the group felt I was too negative, wouldn’t recommend the book and so on. This is probably a good reflection on how people in general feel about cancer stories, including mine. Half prefer to read the uplifting, find-the-lesson sort of cancer story, while the other half appreciates the not-so-positive outlook sort as well.

I’m okay with reaching half. For now.

Thank you again to all the ladies who read my memoir and generously took time to share honest feedback. I very much appreciate it. I want to stress that all the ladies were supportive and more than willing to read and share. They even agreed to pose for the photo below. And a special thank you to you, Sandy. You’re a gem.

Note:  If you belong to a book club and are considering my memoir for your group’s selection, email me for special deals on bulk purchases. I’d give away more if I could, but…

Do you read cancer books? If you do, please share a favorite or two.

Does the title of my memoir make you want to read it? Why or why not?

Do you belong to a book club?

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A book club reads/reviews, "Cancer Was Not a Gift & It Didn't Make Me a Better Person

Thank you, ladies, for reading my memoir and for sharing some thoughts about it, too

 

My memoir

Cancer Was Not a Gift & It Didn’t Make Me a Better Person

Keith Hardeman

Monday 27th of June 2022

Nancy, I haven't read your book, yet, but I've ordered it. I have been reading your blogs almost nonstop over the last few days. I'm so thankful that you've shared this perspective. My wife was diagnosed with stage IIIa breast cancer four and a half years ago. She completed her primary treatment in Feb '19 and is on the adjuvant Verzenio for two years. I've been her spousal caregiver.

Thank you so much for articulating that cancer has not been this special metaphysical "gift" that was supposed to enhance our lives. I thought I was the only one who felt that way. From my perspective, cancer is NOT about character development. It's a slog - a protracted fight for survival while slowly crawling through emotional and physical hell. No one - especially those who've never been through it - should ever be so presumptuous as to insist to us that we see it as some sort of gift or life lesson or divine plan.

Yes, I have a stronger appreciation for still having my wife with me. But I will never give cancer the credit any more than I would give life-lesson recognition to a terrorist or kidnapper holding a loaded gun to her head. Cancer is wholly unworthy of even the slightest bit of gratitude or praise. There was and is nothing positive about the experience.

I, too, wrote a memoir but on the caregiving experience in the hope that it might help current or future caregivers. It is called "The Shadow of Trepidation: Reflections on Caregiving During my Wife's Battle with Breast Cancer," and it's available on Amazon, if you're at all interested.

Thanks for the great work!

Nancy

Tuesday 28th of June 2022

Keith, Thank you for taking time to provide some feedback. It's great to hear from a caregiver, and you are so right. Cancer is a slog, for sure. So is survivorship, for that matter. Thank you so much for ordering my book. I'll have to check yours out. Good luck with it, and all my best to you and your wife. I hope she's doing well. And you as well.

Marcia DeVries

Tuesday 19th of February 2019

Hi, my name is Marcia DeVries. I am a breast cancer survivor and have a book to suggest for your book club to read. In 2016, my husband, our daughter and I wrote a book called Pink Ribbon Adventure: Amazing Works of God in the Midst of Breast Cancer. When I was first diagnosed with aggressive fast growing cancer, I had no idea the type of adventure we were about to experience. It was like--buckle your seat belts, you're in for a wild ride The book is sold on Amazon and CBD, but if you are interested, I would be happy to send you a free paper back copy or a free e-book stub. Thank you for listening to me. Marcia DeVries

Cancer Curmudgeon

Thursday 2nd of March 2017

Title not uplifting???!!!! WTF??!! splutter splutter splutter....in the parlance of today's young people, I can't even.

Nancy

Friday 3rd of March 2017

CC, I know, right? It's cancer for crying out loud.

Noreen

Tuesday 21st of February 2017

I haven't read your book yet, but I will add it to my list! I have only read one cancer memoir so far - it was called "five lessons I didn't learn from breast cancer (and one big one I did)" by Shelly Lewis. I'd recommend it.

I am almost surprised that half the people liked your book - only because it seems like people have this inexplicable crazy bias toward believing that cancer is meant to be this great transformative experience that should be approached with gratitude. I thought those of us who didn't feel that were in the minority- I'm heartened by the response to your book!

Nancy

Wednesday 22nd of February 2017

Noreen, I like the way you think regarding half of the group members liking my book. That's a good way to look at it. I will keep that in mind. Thank you for the memoir recommendation. I will have to check that one out. And thank you for putting mine on your to-read list. Appreciate your comments. Thank you.

Beth Gainer

Thursday 16th of February 2017

Hi Nancy,

It's understandable that at first you felt hurt that everyone in the group didn't love the memoir. As writers, we put our ideas out there into the world, and the world responds -- sometimes it goes our way and sometimes it doesn't. I thought your memoir was excellent, but everyone reacts to it differently. I know all authors experience these kinds of issues.

Keep on writing....

Beth

Nancy

Sunday 19th of February 2017

Beth, You are right, of course. Thank you for your encouraging words.