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Did You Feel Like Dancing Before Your Mastectomy?

Did You Feel Like Dancing Before Your Mastectomy?

This is a topic I’ve been thinking about on and off ever since the video of the woman who danced before her mastectomy went viral. I was going to write a post then, but decided against it. Lisa Bonchek Adams wrote one and she nailed it as far as I was concerned. I commented on her post and thought to myself — okay I’m done. Move on.

Then, last week I saw an ad on TV which said the woman in the video, Dr. Deborah Cohan (she’s actually a doctor – an OB-GYN no less), was going to be a guest on ABC’s Good Morning America last Friday. I planned to tune in. But, of course, I forgot. Over the weekend, I stumbled upon the Good Morning America interview and the video again, and I just couldn’t get it out of my head so… I thought, time to write a blog post! 

I realize it’s highly probable I’m in the minority here, but I was not inspired by the video. I did not find it be a shining example. I did not find it to be empowering. I did not find it to be awesome, as it was called by some.

For me, it had the exact opposite effect.

I found this video to be condescending and trivializing. I even found it on some level to be hurtful, dare I say it, even offensive.

You see, minutes before I was wheeled off into the OR for my bilateral mastectomy, Dear Hubby and I exchanged one of the most intimate and private moments of our entire marriage. As I was wheeled off, he had tears in his eyes and a look so full of concern and emotion that I will never forget it. And let me tell you, dancing around the OR was the last thing on my mind. Mostly, I was afraid.

This video seemed to minimize those and other feelings I felt at the time. For me, it seemed more like something I’d see on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. It’s hard to explain I guess…

But this video wasn’t about me, it was about this other woman. I get that. I do.

Rest assured, I believe this woman had every right to dance before her surgery. More power to her. I mean that. If that’s how she wanted to handle things, fine. To each her own. No one handles any part of cancer in exactly the same way.

But what did puzzle me was the reaction to this video. 

So many people were so quick to watch it, share it, talk about it, praise it, call it awesome and celebrate the way this one woman chose to handle her surgery. 

Why?

What about the rest of us?

What about those of us who did not feel at all like dancing in the OR?

Did we not handle things as well? Were/are we not nearly as awesome?

There was a subtle message being sent; a message that said cancer isn’t that bad. A mastectomy isn’t that bad. You’ll be fine if you just stay positive. Maybe that wasn’t the intended or the entire message meant to be sent, but it’s the one I received.

That message bothered me and still does. Maybe a few of you have been thinking like me since that video first came out and have been bothered too. Or, maybe not…

When I read that the dancing doctor/patient said the following during her Good Morning America interview:  “I was more nervous about my dance than my surgery”... I knew this blog post was getting published.

More nervous about her dance than her mastectomy? Give me a f***ing break!

Cancer is a big deal.

A mastectomy is a big deal.

Positivity can be a wonderful thing, but it isn’t the end all, nor does it assure things will be fine.

As I’ve said  many times before, this blog is my safe place where I get to state my honest viewpoints and frankly, I found this video and the attention it received to be downright bizarre.

If you disagree with me, that’s fine; in fact, I’d love to hear from you.

If you want to sing, dance or throw a party in the OR before your mastectomy; more power to you. As for me, that’s a party I would want no part of.

And one more thing just for the record, I find women like Lisa Bonchek Adams to be far more inspirational than a patient who dances before her mastectomy. I’d like to see Lisa’s story and the stories of so many other women like her who are living with metastatic disease, get more attention.

Those are the stories that  inspire me. Here’s a link to my mets page. You’ll find a list of some inspirational mets bloggers there. Check out their stories and be truly inspired.

There, I said my piece.

I feel better now.

What about you?

Did you feel like dancing before your mastectomy or your partner’s mastectomy?

Did you find this video and the attention it received to be at all bizarre?

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Did you feel like dancing before your mastectomy?

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Mary Ireland

Wednesday 12th of July 2023

Hi, Nancy,

I did not watch the video because the thought of dancing and somehow celebrating a mastectomy makes me want to vomit.

If this woman was more worried about the dance than her surgery, the purpose of her dance video was to become a You Tube star. Pitiful.

I had a mastectomy and lumpectomy on Jan. 6th of this year. I was so scared about the surgery, losing one breast, having the remaining breast excavated, and how much pain I may or may not have to endure, I had to take anxiety meds in the days prior.

All of that, felt and endured by me, by us, by breast cancer patients the world over, are trivialized by this doctor's bid for attention. Yes, she has every right to do it; I have every right to resent it.

Nancy

Friday 14th of July 2023

Mary, I am with you all the way on this one. I love your last sentence. It sums up my feelings too. Thank you!

Nancy Hartupee

Saturday 23rd of April 2016

Dancing around before surgery would have been the last thing on my mind! I could barely make myself walk into the hospital that morning. If my Daughter had not been with me, I would have turned around and left. In the previous 8 months I had gone through 2 lumpectomies and hospitalized three times with staff infections. Twelve chemo treatments in between. Surgeon first thought another lumpectomy was needed. But after the 3D mammogram he decided on the mastectomy surgery. Did I feel like dancing? Not on my life! I wanted to quit, say enough is enough! Still have chemo every three weeks. Ready to stop this madness! Thank you for posting!

Nancy Vader

Friday 22nd of April 2016

No problem with dancing before her mastectomy. Each of us needs to react to breast cancer in a way that will get them through such a horrible disease. I was optimistic from the very beginning of my diagnosis. Totally refused to let breast cancer take over my life. Having three daughters, I also had to show them what I had always preached to them to be strong and fight any battle that comes your way.

Cancer’s dirty little secret: people turn their backs on you | Cancer Is Not A Gift

Friday 18th of March 2016

[…] She’s a fighter. She dances in the operating room before her mastectomy. (This blog post by Nancy's Point tells the […]

Karyn

Saturday 5th of March 2016

Well said! I live in Australia so this is the first I have seen of the video. But I so agree with your sentiments. I also hate the FB pictures of a person on their last day of chemo holding a sign "I kicked cancer's butt." They never think of those of us who will NEVER finish chemo, we never hear updates of those people down the track. Everyone who hasn't been there (here) just doesn't understand. Maybe the dancing patient just did that for the camera, and was not so bright and gay on the inside. Don't know. But, even so, it just looks silly to me and not worth the air time. Thanks for your blog, there is very little support here in Australia, I am so glad to have found kindred spirits across the oceans who I can feel safe with.

Valerie Nemeth

Friday 11th of March 2016

Maybe if some of them had complicated breast cancer in the sense that their breast cancer had the temerity to migrate to other parts of the body, they could say in a sense, "WE KICKED CANCER'S A** OR ASS (FOR NOW THAT IS.). I wonder if that is the VERY GROUP who would have to be USED TO CHEMO SIDE EFFECTS and "CHEMO CAPS" for HAIR LOSS.

Nancy

Monday 7th of March 2016

Karyn, I think about people who will never finish chemo, too, when I see those FB photos. But that dancing video really irked me, not because the woman danced (she had every right to do that), but rather the fact it went viral and that she was invited to be on GMA. Like her way was a gold standard or something. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.