My friend, Jody, writing & advocating, as usual.

Remembering My Friend, Jody Schoger

Jody Schoger died on May 18, 2016 from metastatic breast cancer. She was 61. Though I never met her in person, she was my friend nonetheless. Jody’s breast cancer metastasized after a 15-year remission following her initial diagnosis. Yes, 15 years. Jody became one of the approximately 110 who die from metastatic breast cancer every single day in the US alone. But Jody was more than a number. Every person who dies from this wretched disease is more than a number, so much more.

Many people already know about Jody’s tremendous advocacy work in Cancer Land. Though a tiny person in stature, she truly was a force to be reckoned with. When Jody wrote a piece about cancer on her fabulous blog, Women with Cancer (or anywhere else), you could be darn sure she had her facts straight. Jody wanted to get things right. She insisted upon it.

Jody was so smart – way smarter than me. She could read a sciencey-type article about cancer, pick out and analyze the details and formulate an opinion about it faster than anyone I know in Cancer Land. If the information in the article was bullshit, Jody was not afraid to call it so, and she sometimes did. At times, this could be a bit intimidating, especially for someone like me who is not the sciencey sort of thinker.

I grew to respect and admire this quality (and many others) about Jody. She encouraged everyone around her to think better, advocate better, do better, just be better.

How many people can you say that about?

Many of us got to know and love Jody via the amazing online @BCSMChat she helped create and nurture along with her two co-horts, Dr. Deanna Attai (@DrAttai) and Alicia Staley (@stales). What a tireless trio. What a dynamic community they created together. What a legacy, Jody. I am so proud of you. We all are.

The dynamic trio
The tireless trio

In addition to all the various roles Jody had in her personal and public life, Jody was my friend.

It’s hard to say those words in the past tense.

It’s hard, no it’s impossible, to adequately describe in a single blog post how much her friendship has meant to me for the past five+ years. It’s even harder than impossible to process the fact she is no longer here in the physical sense.

Jody and I became friends during a time in my life when I was feeling vulnerable and uncertain about how to navigate my life following my breast cancer diagnosis. I had just started blogging and had absolutely no clue where I was headed in more ways than one.

Then I met Jody and a few other bloggers who became part of an intimate circle of online friends, my original blogosphere foundation, upon which I continue to build. You all know who you are.

Jody was a light in that darkness of uncertainty. Jody understood. Jody cared. Jody wanted to help me and others, too, figure out this thing called survivorship. Jody offered validation, support, guidance and friendship. And she offered these things with big doses of kindness and compassion. She didn’t judge, as perhaps too many of us are prone to do.

Jody reached out to me with an email invitation to join a Monday night BCSM Tweetchat shortly after the new-at-the-time initiative was first launched back in 2011.

“Nancy, are you on Twitter?” she asked. She was so excited.

At that time, I wasn’t, nor did I care to be.

“Oh don’t worry,” she said. “You and I will email each other then. That works fine too.”

That was Jody. No pressure. Willing to meet you wherever you might be.

Eventually, I did join Twitter and yes, the only reason I did was so I could participate in the BCSM Chats. I still do when I can.

Jody and I became Twitter friends and then we became just friends.

After we became friends, I soon realized what an incredibly big heart Jody had. No matter what was going on with her, or how badly she was feeling from cancer treatment, she always asked how I was doing. We had a connection and not just a cancer one.

There was our mutual connection to the Midwest and, of course, our mutual love of writing.

When I wanted writing advice, I’d ask Jody. When I had a question about something cancer related, I’d ask Jody. If she didn’t know the answer, she’d direct me to someone who did. When I needed to vent, Jody listened. When I needed a laugh, let’s just say, Jody had a way with words!

And then there was our mutual love of English springer spaniels. Jody loved her sweet Katie. I love my sweet Sophie. Jody loved furry-four-legged critters of any breed or species.

Jody's sweet springer, Katie
Jody loved doting on her sweet English springer spaniel, Katie.

I could go on and on talking about my friend…

I learned so much from Jody. She encouraged me to be true to myself, to honor my feelings and to give myself permission to mourn my losses (all kinds). And as we all know far too well, cancer brings many of those. As Jody said during one of the many #BCSM chats I have participated in:

Breast cancer is a string of losses.

Truer words could not be said.

I will close with a few of Jody’s own words. This seems only fitting for my friend, the writer. Jody’s Twitter (@jodyms) description about herself says this:

Writer, blogger. Optimist. Cancer Advocate. Working for a better world, one word at a time.

Thank you for being a friend to me and so many others, Jody.

Without a doubt, the world is a better place because you were in it.

Well done, Jody. Well done. 

#fearlessfriend

#fearlessadovcate

#wewillnotforget

Did you know Jody and if so, do you have a memory about her to share?

Do you participate in BCSM chats?

Do you have special online friendships?

 

Jody Schoger, writing and advocating, as usual.
A favorite picture of Jody – writing, advocating & smiling. That was Jody.

 

What a legacy...
What a legacy…

 

 

21 thoughts on “Remembering My Friend, Jody Schoger

  1. I love this tribute to Jody. Thank you. As with all the other beautiful thoughts published remembering this special woman, I smile in agreement and love, then break down in tears when I see her smiling face again. Jody will be another flower in my garden this summer.

  2. Oh Nancy. This is a beautiful tribute. Jody was so special. She had a grace that belied an inner strength. I can’t talk about her in past tense without tearing up either. Thanks for sharing.

  3. What a great tribute to an incredible friend. Thank you, Nancy, for all you do to further the cause. Wish I could contribute more but my brain is impaired due to brain mets. Tears are all that I can impart for Jody at this juncture.

    1. Jan, You’re very kind. You contribute so much, Jan. You always have. Jody was an incredible friend, an incredible person. Period. Thank you for reading and sharing.

  4. Nancy, thank you for this beautiful tribute to your friend Jody. I am very sorry we lost another life to this terrible disease. I did not know Jody but that does not matter. Every loss touches me. I’ve never participated in BCSM chats. I am part of a few online communities and I’ve met many wonderful people through this horrible experience that is cancer. Some are no longer here. It’s always painful when we lose friends we care about. Although I’ve never met most of them, I consider them friends (even more so than some real life friends).

    I am thinking of you and Jody’s family.

    1. Rebecca, You’re so right. Every loss touches all of us because we are all tied together in this cancer maze. I know what you mean about some of your online friends being so dear. I feel the same. Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring so deeply.

  5. Thank you, Nancy. I’m still so sad, I have neither been able to fullly accept the reality of losing Jody nor to write about her. I know I will when I’m ready. In the meantime, I’m so glad you wrote this. Jody was special in every way. <3 Kathi

    1. Kathi, I understand. I struggled too. You will write something when you are ready. And yes, Jody was special in every way. Thank you for reading. xo

  6. I can not express my appreciation for your kind words about my sister. She was an incredibly gifted, intelligent, caring woman who thought there were no boundaries limiting her ability to care for others. I am so grateful for your thoughts and want you to know how much they comfort us.

    1. Dennis, I am so sorry for your family’s loss. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. I am humbled that you took time to read my post and also to comment. Your words mean so much. Jody was a gift to the world, as you know. I am glad you find a little comfort in the words I wrote about my dear friend, your sister. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. It has been a hard month. Jodi was a kind and helpful person who was never afraid to help answer a question when I had one. She will be missed.

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