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Nipple Envy

Nipple Envy

I admit it; I suffer from nipple envy. I have been for quite some time, but it’s taken me a long while to publish this post. I’m not entirely sure why. Okay, yes I am. Nipple talk is awkward. Nipples are such tiny features of our anatomy, but they are pretty darn important features, especially if you’re a woman.

For some reason, discussing nipples is awkward for most of us. Maybe the more we say the word out loud, the less awkward it will become.

So let’s talk nipples…

It took me three years to publish a post in which I came out and said, I miss my breasts. It still strikes me as ironic that even though I write a blog about breast cancer and loss, it took me so long to state such a simple truth in a blog post. Turns out, it’s been one of my most widely read posts.

And now, I guess I’m taking it to another level and stating that yes, I miss my nipples too. A lot. I’m hitting the publish button on this post, too, because I know I’m not alone here either.

When I watched TV shows or movies before cancer that involved nudity, or rather female nudity (because let’s be honest, that’s what we see the most of on screen), I saw breasts quite differently. I was more likely to notice their size and shape. Zeroing in on nipples was not something I did.

Now, when I watch TV shows or movies that involve bare-breasted women, I immediately zero in on the women’s nipples. I don’t care about any of the rest any more. Not one bit. Size and shape are meaningless to me. Now, it’s all about the nipples. My eyes are drawn to them, and I sit there feeling envious.

It’s like every movie or TV show’s plot revolves around leading ladies who have nipples.

I miss mine.

The only times I ever really thought about my nipples were the times I was breastfeeding and they were so darn sore. Or when I wore a particular piece of clothing and things showed when I really didn’t want them to. Okay, and during intimate moments with Dear Hubby.

Other than those times, I didn’t give nipples a whole lot of thought. I took them for granted.

Then along came cancer, a brca2+ revelation and a bilateral mastectomy.

When discussing my mastectomy, having a nipple sparing procedure was out of the question for me. It wasn’t an option, or at least not a smart one for me to consider. Hence, my nipples were not spared.

My nipples had to go.

At the time, I didn’t realize the significance of this loss. And people didn’t, and don’t, really talk about it much. I wonder why this is.

Do they think we won’t notice when they’re gone?

Do they think our partners won’t either?

This whole nipple loss thing is another huge reason breast reconstruction is no boob job, not even close.

And just for the record, my breast reconstruction did include nipple reconstruction too. I plan to write a follow-up post sometime on the state of my reconstruction project. But for now, I’ll just state the obvious; breast reconstruction only reconstructs breasts. Nipple reconstruction reconstructs nipples and in my case, not very successfully. Neither reconstruct sensation–another pretty darn important piece of information that often is not discussed during consultations.

When a woman gives up her breasts and her nipples, it’s sometimes a bigger deal than even she realizes at the time.

I always knew I’d miss my breasts when they were amputated, but missing my nipples so much caught me a little bit by surprise. Sometimes, it still does.

I am grateful I had the option to choose reconstruction, but I do miss my original parts. A lot.

As usual, feelings of gratitude and feelings of loss can and do co-exist.

And it’s okay, even healthier, to talk about both.

Update: Following my DIEP flap surgery, I’m once again contemplating what to do about nipples. Some of this stuff sure gets old.

Stained-glass artwork in featured photos by Laurie Bieze.

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Do you suffer from nipple envy?

Have you had nipple reconstruction?

Did you have a nipple sparing mastectomy or do you know someone who did?

 

Nipple envy is real. I know because I "suffer" from it. #breastcancer #mastectomy #breastreconstruction #cancersucks #womenhealth

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Beth Gainer

Friday 14th of July 2023

Hi Nancy, this really touched a nerve with me. A time after my DIEP, I had nipple reconstruction, which was a nightmare to me. Before breast cancer I loved my breasts AND nipples. While the DIEP was successful, my nipples were unrecognizable. It felt like someone else's body. I am lucky though: while the nipple shape is there the tattoos have faded to the point where they are almost invisible.

I miss my breasts and nipples, the ones I had before cancer.

Nancy

Tuesday 18th of July 2023

Beth, I hear you. On all of it. Sure, I'm grateful, but I miss my originals too and always will.

Donna Funkhouser

Wednesday 28th of June 2023

I definitely suffer from nipple envy. I miss the look and feel of them. Losing my breasts and therefore nipples is the hardest cancer thing I've had to deal with. Even if a see an older woman with saggy breasts, I still feel jealous that they were so fortunate to still have theirs. I wonder if it's creepy to keep noticing other women's breasts?? Well, I can't help it, so there it is. I want my old saggy ones back!!

Nancy

Tuesday 11th of July 2023

Donna, Oh gosh, I sure miss mine! I don't think it's creepy noticing other women's breasts; in fact, it's normal to look at and miss what we once had. It's another form of grieving I think. I will always miss my original parts. We are only human after all! Thanks for chiming in on nipple envy. Always nice to know we aren't alone.

Adrienne C Kushner

Wednesday 28th of June 2023

I had a bilateral mastectomy and immediate diep flap reconstruction July 2022. When the plastic surgeon was viewing the pre-surgery CT scan, he said I had a small hernia below my navel and he would take care of it and create a new navel. It would be another step in a long surgery and I told him to repair the hernia but skip giving me another navel. I don't miss it at all. It just collected lint anyway. I have another revision coming up to my breasts and then I will be able to have 3D nipple tattoos, if I want. I'm not sure if I will have them done or not. I have breast mounds to fill out my clothing, but I usually had my chest covered out in public all the time. All of the feeling has returned to my breasts and I don't really think about the missing nipples or navel. Every day I remind myself that I am so grateful the cancer was caught early, I didn't need radiation or chemo. I have 4 more years of anastrozole and I can do it!

Nancy

Tuesday 11th of July 2023

Adrienne, Wow, all the feeling has returned. That's great! I have not done the nipple tattooing following my DIEP surgeries, and I'm not sure if I will or not. I had it done after my implants, but it didn't last. I do miss my nipples. I did have a new navel made. It's okay. I've gotten used to that, but it still feels a little weird. I'm grateful, too, of course, but I still miss my original parts and always will. Good luck with those 4 more years of anastrozole. I'm sure you can do it too! Thank you for sharing.

Adrienne

Wednesday 17th of August 2022

I had bilateral, skin sparing mastectomy with diep-flap reconstruction at the same time in July, 2022. I researched with Dr. Google as soon as I was diagnosed. Fore-warned is fore-armed! I was more afraid of being under anesthesia for 8 to 10 hours than losing my breasts. Because of the cancer location, keeping the nipple wasn't an option. For the record, I only had cancer in one breast, but I had read about the difficulty of reconstructing one breast to look similar to the other. Definitely difficult to reconstruct one nipple to look as good as the other one. I am actually looking forward to the two or three liposuction revisions and eventually getting nipple tattoos. Several of my friends are so excited about this 70-year-old woman getting her first tattoo, that I might have to rent a van and make it a girl's day out. I tend to look at the bright side of things. I was in a very dark place originally, but I have a lot of things I haven't done yet. I have many people counting on me to come through this and I can't let them down. Every woman is different and must make her own choice. This was mine.

Jenny Bozzetti

Monday 7th of January 2019

Nancy it's nice to read this post and read about how someone who can relate. I am BRCA2 positive as well, and had a bilateral mastectomy Feb 2, 2018. They also could not spare my nipples. And man did I love the sensation! It's rough because I'm 34 and before cancer was in the dating world but that got de-railed on my cancer journey. I know we're more than just our nipples and someone someday will hopefully love me as is but it's just tough.

Nancy

Thursday 10th of January 2019

Jenny, Boy, I sure do relate. We are more than our breasts/nipples, but they were pretty darn important parts and it's okay to grieve for them and also to be a little (or a lot) mad about having to give them up. I hope you do find that someone out there who will love you just as you are, if that's what you want. Wishing you all the best. Thank you for sharing.