Cancer, Chemotherapy, An Ebook & Why Me?

Why me? How many times have you asked this question in your life? Have you asked it a lot, just a few times or maybe never?

Generally speaking, it seems we ask this question when bad things happen to us. When good things happen, we tend not to think in quite the same way. Perhaps we think we’ve worked really hard and deserve to have good things happen for us.

This may or may not be true.

More than this though, it’s just human nature. It’s the way we are wired. We tend to complain when things are not going our way.

Just ask any parent. Or teacher. Or spouse. Or frustrated sibling.

After my 2010 breast cancer diagnosis, I didn’t ask why me?

In an odd sort of way, I wasn’t completely surprised about my diagnosis.

That was because my mother had breast cancer, as did two of her sisters. Two aunts on my dad’s side did as well. Breast cancer was thriving in my family it seemed so again, I wasn’t completely surprised about my diagnosis, but what did surprise me was the timing of it.

My diagnosis came some twenty years earlier for me than my mother’s did for her.

I wrongly assumed I at least had more time.

Cancer didn’t allow me the luxury of time.

Cancer was/is more demanding than that.

Cancer forces to you to deal with the here and now whether you want to or not.

Still, as I said, my diagnosis day wasn’t when I asked why me?

I didn’t ask on the day I learned I am BRCA2 positive either. After learning my mother was BRCA2 positive, I knew my chances were 50/50. I pretty much expected to learn my genes were “tainted.” They were.

So when did I ask why me?

It was the day my oncologist said the words, “Based on the facts we now know, I must recommend chemotherapy for you. It’s your best option.”

That was a bad day. That was an ugly day.

That was the day I asked, why me?

And that was the day I demanded wanted answers.

Of course, no answers came, at least not the ones I wanted to hear.

That was the day I felt swallowed up by fear.

Since that day was such a pivotal and fearful one for me, I decided to write an Ebook to help other chemo newbies get past the fear. I’m hoping to help others navigate around that fear just a bit because sometimes even a little bit helps.

No one knows why bad things happen. We don’t know why good things happen either for that matter.

It’s just the way life is, a mix of good and bad.

Sometimes the balance between the two gets way out of whack.

We enjoy the good times when they come and muddle through the bad times when they come.

When bad things happen, we stomp around for a while figuratively and maybe even literally.

We fall down.

Then we get up, dust ourselves off, devise a plan and get busy.

If we’re lucky, we make our way back to more good times.

The good times feel even better.

And once again we forget about asking, why me?

When have you asked why me?

Have you ever felt swallowed up by fear?