Why me? How many times have you asked this question in your life? Have you asked it a lot, just a few times or maybe never?
Generally speaking, it seems we ask this question when bad things happen to us. When good things happen, we tend not to think in quite the same way. Perhaps we think we’ve worked really hard and deserve to have good things happen for us.
This may or may not be true.
More than this though, it’s just human nature. It’s the way we are wired. We tend to whine or complain when things are not going our way.
Just ask any parent. Or teacher. Or spouse. Or frustrated sibling.
After my 2010 breast cancer diagnosis, I didn’t ask why me?
In an odd sort of way, I wasn’t completely surprised about my diagnosis.
That was because my mother had breast cancer, as did two of her sisters. Two aunts on my dad’s side did as well. Breast cancer was thriving in my family it seemed so again, I wasn’t completely surprised about my diagnosis, but what did surprise me was the timing of it.
My diagnosis came some twenty years earlier for me than my mother’s did for her.
I wrongly assumed I at least had more time.
Cancer didn’t allow me the luxury of time.
Cancer was/is more demanding than that.
Cancer forces to you to deal with the here and now whether you want to or not.
Still, as I said, my diagnosis day wasn’t when I asked why me?
I didn’t ask on the day I learned I was BRCA2 positive either. After learning my mother was BRCA2 positive, I knew my chances were 50/50. I pretty much expected to learn my genes were “tainted.” They were.
So when did I ask why me?
It was the day my oncologist said the words, “Based on the facts we now know, I must recommend chemotherapy for you. It’s your best option.”
That was a bad day. That was an ugly day.
That was the day I asked, why me?
And that was the day I demanded wanted answers.
Of course, no answers came, at least not the ones I wanted to hear.
That was the day I felt swallowed up by fear.
Since “that day” was such a pivotal and fearful one for me, I decided to write an Ebook to help other “chemo newbies” get past the fear. I’m hoping to help a few “chemo novices” navigate around that fear a bit because sometimes even a little bit helps.
Promoting and selling an Ebook here on my blog feels like a bit of an adventure for me. I’m not sure where it’s headed, if anywhere.
I’ll keep you posted.
But, back to the why me question…
Of course, no one knows why bad things happen. We don’t know why good things happen either for that matter.
It’s just the way life is, a mix of good and bad.
Sometimes the balance between the two gets way out of whack.
We enjoy the good times when they come and muddle through the bad times when they come.
When bad things happen, we stomp around for a while figuratively and maybe even literally.
We fall down.
Then we get up, dust ourselves off, devise a plan and get busy.
If we’re lucky, we make our way back to more good times.
The good times feel even better.
And once again we forget about asking, why me?
When have you asked why me?
Have you ever felt swallowed up by fear?
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Catherine
Chemotherapy is a big mountain to climb. Good luck with your ebook & helping people work past that fear.
Nancy
Catherine, Chemotherapy sure is a big mountain to climb. At times it felt like an insurmountable one for me and that’s why I wrote this ebook. Thanks for your encouraging words.
Betty
I’ve never asked Why me. I think “Why not me?” I feel so lucky for every day I’v had as a survivor since breast cancer and since my pancreas got torn to pieces 2 years ago.
Congratulations on your book and good luck.
Nancy
Betty, Some people never do ask the question I guess. Each day is a blessing, you’re right about that. Thanks for the kind words.
Marie Ennis-O'Connor (@JBBC)
I am beyond excited that you are doing this Nancy
I am just stopping by real quick to say congratulations and well done and will return to this and learn more about it later today. Am SOOOO proud of you my friend!
Nancy
Marie, Thank you. You’re very sweet.
Liz
What a great idea – I can’t wait to see it!!
Nancy
Liz, Thank you!
AnneMarie @chemobrainfog
You.ARE.AWESOME. What a great resource… I’ll be reading it to help me gather your point of view (ha, no pun!) when I’m volunteering and those questions are asked. There is no such thing as too much information when it comes to making health decisions.
WELL DONE!!!!!
and Great Luck with this adventure!!
Nancy
Ann Marie, You’re right, there’s no such thing as too much information. Thanks for your supportive words.
Ginny Marie
Congratulations on your ebook, Nancy! I’ll spread the word.
I’m sure you will help a lot of people get through a difficult time in their life.
Nancy
Ginny, Thank you very much for your support.
yvonne
Nancy
Your writing has been such a source of inspiration and reassurance for me over the past seven months.
There are so many times when so many of us in this community seem to be living parallel lives, asking why, trying to keep the fear at bay etc It is perfect, just perfect, that you have written a book.
Nancy
Yvonne, It does seem as if many of us are living parallel lives doesn’t it? At least in some aspects. That’s what is so great about each of us sharing own story. We see that we are all connected in so many ways, and that’s pretty comforting. Thanks for your kind words.
Kathi
Nancy, there just cannot be enough resources for women to enlighten & support them while we are considering our treatment options. I never asked ‘why me?’ at diagnosis either. Perhaps because I work in healthcare, I know that illness & catastrophe can befall anyone at any time. But I did start asking a version of ‘why me?’ when I began to discover just how problematic it was to get thorough information from my doctors about the treatments they proposed & to get help with the aftermath. Good for you. And for us. xoxo
Nancy
Kathi, Working in healthcare you must see so much I’m sure nothing surprises you anymore. There is a lot of information to try to decipher isn’t there? It’s no wonder you started asking the question why me when running into problems getting accurate/thorough information. You aren’t alone there I’m sure. And you’re right, there can never be too many resources. Thanks for commenting.
Beth L. Gainer
Congratulations on your e-book, Nancy!! I’m thrilled for you, and I know this book will help many people facing chemo. It’s a great thing that you have done.
Swallowed up by fear? Yes, for me, it’s been often, but I’ve learned how to cope. When I was diagnosed, I was definitely swallowed up by fear.
I didn’t ask “why me?” either. I figured, “why not me?” I had a healthy genetic family line and, yet, I knew that I wasn’t immune to illness and no more special than anyone being diagnosed with cancer. I was fit and had a history of good health, too.
The diagnosis was not so surprising for me, but it was shocking.
Thank you for putting that e-book into the world. It is certainly needed.
Nancy
Beth, Thanks so much for your supportive words. Yes, shocking is a better word choice than surprising. Somehow when a diagnosis is yours to own, it’s shocking even if your family does have a history. I was shocked by the timing of mine. Many of us have been “swallowed up” by fear, even if only temporarily. Of course many things in life can make us feel like this, not just cancer. Glad you like the idea of my ebook. I hope a few find it to be helpful.