Cancer Sucks. Period.

Cancer Sucks. Period.

As I have mentioned many times, the great life lessons a person is supposed to garner following a cancer diagnosis escape me. I have had no epiphany. Cancer is transforming alright, but not in a good way, at least not for me. I have not magically morphed into some new and improved version of my former self. And other than meeting some wonderful people, I give cancer no credit for anything other than heartache and upheaval. Cancer sucks. Period.

I remain a resistant cancer learner and sometimes I wonder why this is. 

These days when a cancer survivor type story floats through my social media news feeds with a headline or title suggesting the writer has learned much from her cancer experience, grown to realize what’s important in life or reorganized her priorities as a result of cancer, I generally don’t click anymore. I just can’t do it.

I try hard to respect how others handle their cancer experiences, but I also have to respect how I handle mine.

After my diagnosis, for a long time I couldn’t figure out why there was this pressure to find the good in a shitty situation like cancer.

I understand why many people think it’s better to search for meaning, to find a reason for the shit storm of cancer. For some, this personal evolution of self is a very real, very important and very worthwhile tool to implement as a way to absorb, process and accept a cancer diagnosis. It obviously works for many.

But the positive transformation theory, or in other words, the “I’ve come out a better person post-cancer diagnosis theory,” just doesn’t work for me.

Early on I used to wonder why it didn’t. I used to wonder what was wrong with me.

Sometimes I still do.

I wondered why I couldn’t see the lessons I was supposed to learn from cancer.

Again, sometimes I still do.

Then one day I realized perhaps I didn’t want to see them.

This, too, made me feel like I was doing something wrong, like there was something wrong with me. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see the lessons of a life-altering experience?

And then finally it sunk in that not only was it okay to not see the lessons of cancer, it was okay to not want to see them. In other words, it was fine to not want to hand over credit for anything positive at all to cancer. Because again, as far as I’m concerned, cancer sucks. Period.

Even now, seven years after my diagnosis, I still have days when I wonder why I am such a cancer rebel. I still sometimes wonder what’s wrong with me. I still sometimes wonder why I so adamantly refuse to drink the pink Kool Aid. I still wonder why I am such a determinedly resistant cancer learner.

If and when I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know.

For now, as far as I’m concerned…

I am beyond weary of reading about the “positives” of breast cancer. 

Breast cancer did not give me a new outlook on life, it did not make me begin to re-examine my life and priorities and it did not morph me into some new and improved version of myself. My outlook, life and priorities were doing fine before breast cancer. I have learned no great life lessons. I did not need the wake up call.

I realize many people view their cancer experiences quite differently and some see my way as being negative. I’ve been told as much from time to time. So be it.

Breast cancer (any cancer) is an awful disease that far too many still die from. It’s not some grand opportunity to reinvent yourself, at least it hasn’t been for me.

Enough with the spin. Cancer sucks. Period.

That’s my story. And I’m sticking with it.

What about you?

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Have you learned life lessons from cancer?

Do you believe in the positive transformation (post-cancer diagnosis) theory? 

Are you weary of reading about the “positives” of breast cancer, too, or is just me?

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15 thoughts on “Cancer Sucks. Period.

  1. Nancy, I feel the same way you do. I really dislike when people insinuate cancer should have “made me a better person”. It seems condescending too, doesn’t it? And judgemental? (I see a wagging finger.) I don’t see myself ever giving any credit to cancer for anything except for everything it took away from me. I know others feel differently. I guess we’ll always have our differences. xoxo

    1. Rebecca, It does sound condescending and judgmental for anyone to suggest how someone else should feel about her/his experience. Because as you said, we’ll always have our differences. I can’t give cancer credit for anything positive, other than meeting some wonderful people, such as you. xo

  2. Nancy, I LOVE this! I feel exactly the same way. 5 years out from diagnosis, cancer has not made me a better person, more appreciative, more spiritual, or more of anything in any way. Nor did “having a good attitude” and “staying positive” ensure my survival or enhance my treatment. In fact, like you, I have a pretty crappy attitude about cancer. I believe I was a positive person with a good attitude before BC. I prefer to give credit to my highly experienced and knowledgeable oncologist & nurses, chemo drugs, surgery, radiation and the AI’s that go on for at least 5 years! And further, I believe our attitude honors those who do not survive. Cancer certainly did not make a better life for them.

  3. Everything has changed, and not for the better. I don’t have my small business and therefore living on one third of my income. I hope the new treatment will give me a few more months of life. People interact with me differently and tell me about all the other people who has cancer, and who have died. A conversation is me trying to corral others away from cancer and toward upbeat, ordinary topics. I always feel like I took 10 steps backwards after any visit.
    Thanks for having a place to vent. peace

  4. I think what really bothers me is when I hear friends and relatives describe others who have been diagnosed, as being soooo positive. Are they implying that I’m weak negative individual simply because I choose not to embrace this ugly disease and find a bright side to it? I’ve always lived my life striving to learn from my mistakes and be the best I could be, so I sure didn’t need cancer to grow as a person. I’m coping as best I can and I’m determined to keep going and enjoy life, but to say that’s a positive thing that I’ve learned from cancer is really stretching it. Nope, there is nothing good about cancer. Nothing.

    1. Lennox, I agree with and/or relate to every word you wrote. I believe some of us are wired differently. I don’t expect others to necessarily see things my way, but I do take issue when the “positive spin” is the accepted way, sort of the gold standard on how to do cancer. What BS. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Right there with you, Nancy. What works for me is giving cancer no respect. It left me with bilateral lymphedema. F it.

  6. Oh my gosh, I’m not the only one. That’s what I thought while reading this. I’m a twenty-three year old about 2 weeks into remission. Cancer sucked. Treatment sucked. And constantly I am the token cancer patient in my friend group. There’s also this pressure to be the “happy cancer patient.” It’s the same narrative that is validated and applauded over and over again, and if I suggest anything other than the happy cancer patient narrative, I am being negative and unappreciative of the fact that I’m in remission. Thank you so much for writing this.

    1. Megan, You are definitely not the only one. I will never sugarcoat this disease. You don’t have to either. Thank you for reading and sharing.

  7. Hey Nancy,
    Really I appreciate your this piece of content on cancer, It will surely aware most of the people about the different side of cancer.

    Keep up the awesome work!

    -Rajinder

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