Metastatic Breast Cancer – The Unspoken Words

Metastatic breast cancer – the upspoken words.

I’m not sure why the topic of metastatic breast cancer is too often neglected. Obviously, it’s a tough topic, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk candidly about it. We can’t just sweep it away or pretty it up in pink. Nope. Not gonna work.

Sure, MBC is being spoken about more openly these days, but there is still hesitation to talk about it. 

For clarification purposes, recurrence and metastatic breast cancer are not necessarily the same thing. A recurrence can be local, regional or distant.

Local recurrence means the cancer has come back in the breast, or in the scar (in case of mastectomy).

A regional recurrence indicates the new cancer is in the lymph nodes of the armpit or in the collarbone area.

Metastatic breast cancer means the cancer has spread to other organs of the body typically the bones, lungs, brain or liver. This is also referred to as distant recurrence.

A diagnosis of any of these is, of course, devastating though treatment and outcomes are not the same for all.

When you hear the words, You have cancer, you might think you’ve heard the worst three words you could possibly hear in regard to your own health. In reality, what’s far worse is hearing the words, your cancer has come back, or your cancer has metastasized. Or you’re stage 4 out of the gate.

20-30% of those diagnosed with breast cancer, will have a recurrence at some point. Roughly 6% are metastatic at initial diagnosis (de novo). Each year 40,000+ women and men die from metastatic breast cancer. The fact remains that two years, five years, ten years, even twenty years past diagnosis does not guarantee that a woman (or man) is in the clear for good.

Despite these statistics, words like recurrence, metastatic breast cancer, stage IV and incurable often remain unspoken. They are heavy words. Even bloggers like me sometimes hesitate to write about them.

Why is this?

Perhaps one reason is fear.

Facing a recurrence or metastatic cancer of any kind, even as a possibility, is scary and hard; but this is also exactly why we do need to talk about it.

Perhaps subconsciously we feel if we just keep quiet, it won’t happen to us or our loved one. Of course, we all know this isn’t true, but the mind works in mysterious ways.

Another reason might be because we don’t want to offend or upset those living with metastatic breast cancer.

There is a certain amount of survivor guilt involved when you know others who are living with mets and you are not. Again, this self-imposed guilt makes no sense, but that doesn’t mean we still don’t feel it.

Another reason many of us hold back and don’t speak of recurrence or metastatic breast cancer is to protect our loved ones.

Facing cancer once is bad enough for everyone. No one wants to think of putting loved ones through it a second or third time. I sure don’t.

Another barrier might be that the topic forces us to talk about death.

Talking about metastatic breast cancer forces us to grapple with the topic of death, and generally, society doesn’t want to touch that one with a ten-foot pole.

While it’s true there is no cure, metastatic breast cancer is treatable. It doesn’t mean the person will be gone in X number of days, weeks, months or years.

One thing I do know is this:  just because recurrence and metastatic breast cancer aren’t discussed as much as they should be, it doesn’t mean those of us with an early stage diagnosis aren’t thinking about it.

Anyone who has had a cancer diagnosis thinks about recurrence, even if they never speak of it. Keeping quiet doesn’t equal not thinking about it.

This is not to say we dwell on it, are pessimistic, or live life in constant fear.

One main reason so many in Breast Cancer Land are dissatisfied with all the October madness and the prevalent pink ribbon culture with its almost cavalier attitude toward breast cancer, is because too often the mets community isn’t adequately included, or even included at all.

Metastatic breast cancer doesn’t fit in very well with all the pretty-in-pink shenanigans.

Metastatic breast cancer doesn’t fit in very well with “the rah-rah, everything’s going to be okay” messaging that is generally conveyed all year long via all the pink hoopla either.

Metastatic breast cancer is not the reality most want to talk about.

Still, metastatic breast cancer is reality for many families. Over 155,000 men and women are living with metastatic breast cancer in the US.

We owe it to them and to all who’ve died from this wretched disease to talk about it, even if it’s hard.

Not talking about it is just plain wrong.

Why do you think the topic of metastatic breast cancer is often off limits?

Are you living with metastatic breast cancer and if so, what would you like people to know about it?

If you’ve been diagnosed with early stage breast cancer, do you think about recurrence much and if so, do you talk about it?

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