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October Will Always Belong to My Dad

Another October is here and with it comes another month of breast cancer awareness shenanigans. Once again, there will be too-many-to-count posts and articles to read about pink ribbon this and pink ribbon that. (Not that any of it is actually about pink or pink ribbons at all; it goes way deeper than that). There will undoubtedly again be many chances to get frustrated with the nonsense that will surely come. I’ve got a few posts of my own planned. But guess what?

All that can wait because for me, October will always first and foremost belong to my dad.

My dad’s birthday is October 3rd. I don’t say, “was”, because it is still his birthday. It always will be.

This year my dad would have turned 90. That’s a lot of years of living he was blessed with. I know that. I understand that. And I am grateful. I am, but I wanted a few more, just one more. Had we had more, that would not have been enough either. This is just the way we tend to think, I suppose.

And btw, when someone’s elderly loved one dies, it is not comforting for her to hear, at least your dad lived a long life.

True, but not comforting. Not right now. Probably never.

But back to October…

Many of my online friends dread October. Hate it even. Not me. I love October. Always have. Always will. I love it in spite of the pink craziness. My dad loved October too.

I love October for many reasons.

But mostly because October will always belong to my dad. ❤️

How do you feel about October these days?

What’s your favorite month?

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My dad and me
One of our first pics together.
My dad, me and Sophie in the bacyyars
One of our last – taken on my dad’s last visit to my house.

16 thoughts to “October Will Always Belong to My Dad”

  1. We have a lot in common Nancy. I lost my father in May. He was 90 years old. I will be traveling home this weekend for the first time since his memorial. Just writing this brings tears to my eyes. He was such a great man. A World War II Purple Heart recipient and a Korean war double Silver Star recipient. I will miss walking into the house and seeing him in his favorite chair. October is a big month for birthdays with family and friends. I will be visiting with my best friend from high school (40 years of friendship) when I’m home; her birthday is tomorrow. My friend was recently diagnosed with double lung cancer and is currently going through chemo. I will be there to offer support like she was for me. I’m also looking forward to the display of color on the east coast. I love October at home because it’s cooler and I always go back this time of year. And yes home will always be where I grew up. But in California October is not a good time of year. This is the month we get the Santa Ana winds and the risks of wildfires increases. We lost our home to a wildfire in 2007 so when we start getting those strong winds I have to wear earplugs at night or I can’t sleep and you’re always looking out your window to see if there’s smoke in the sky. We live close to the airport that houses the Dept of Forestry’s firefighting airplanes and they have a different sound then other planes so you can hear when the fire spotter plane is flying around; that gets your nerves on edge. The best thing this time of year?? All things pumpkin!!

    1. Laurie, I am very sorry about your father. Your trip home will undoubtedly stir up many emotions. Be gentle with yourself. I am sorry to read of your friend’s lung cancer diagnosis too. It’s wonderful you want to be there for her as she was for you. October is a beautiful time of year, well, maybe not so much in CA I guess. Those winds can be frightening when they whip up and spread raging fires. I don’t blame you for feeling nervous. What a horrible experience to lose your home in a wildfire. I’m sorry. And yes, I am fond of pumpkins too. Except for those pink ones! Thank you for sharing.

  2. October is about my dad too. He died on October 23, 1998. I think of him throughout the year, but more so during this month. I still miss him and I am still sad that my son never knew him. They would have had good conversations together about farming. Birthdays for loved ones who have passed away are bittersweet.

    1. Lisa, Oh gosh, Lisa, you have a bittersweet relationship with October, too, then. I’m sorry. It is sad your son never knew your dad, but of course, he has learned about him from you. That’s not the same though. Thank you for sharing about your dad. It means a lot that you did. I’ll be thinking about you.

  3. I’ve been trying not to let the pinkness get to me during this second October since breast cancer. Unfortunately, I had my regular 3-month appointment with my breast surgeon today, and the office was full of pink. Then the nurse, who is a floater and doesn’t usually work there, said “I see you recently had breast augmentation.” I’m afraid I bit her head off. Then the doctor wants me to have an MRI because of some odd pain. And on my way out the door, the receptionist said “oh, don’t forget your breast cancer awareness month free gift.” And my mouth ran away with me. I said “don’t you think everyone here is aware of breast cancer? I’m plenty well aware, and I’m sure everyone else here is too.” I felt bad afterward.
    I hope that you are at the point where some of the good memories of your father can make you smile –

    1. Cathy, Oh I hear you. I am not sure why even the medical environment so often feels a need to get decked out in pink or hand out free gifts during BCAM. Really? I say, good for you, for speaking up. No need to feel bad IMO. And I’m not at that point yet. Memories still make me weepy, but of course, it’s wonderful to have them too. Maybe someday I can experience them without the tears too. Thank you for reading and sharing.

  4. Nancy,

    Love the fresh perspective on October. Thank you for the different perspective and beautiful tribute to your dad. I appreciate you sharing this with us. October is a month of ironies and bittersweet for me too. My first husband was killed in a motorcycle crash on 10/27/09. I met my new husband in October. Last year, my mother died on 10/24 from congestive heart failure. Thank you for the idea of giving them their birthday month as a tribute. Peace & Blessings.

  5. Hi Nancy, I’m thinking of you. Thank you for sharing about your father. Your love for him shows through every word you write.

    I don’t mind October too much. Since last year, I am noticing less and less pink products. Wondering if some organizations are starting to get the point. Maybe not. Perhaps I am expecting too much, still. Anyway, the fact that I am not seeing too much pink this month makes me feel appreciative of the Fall season, which is my favorite of the year (after summer).

    By the way, you were such an adorable baby! May the memories of your dad make each day a little easier. xoxo

    1. Rebecca, I think I am seeing less pink this year too. Or maybe I just tune it out better now. Not sure. And yes, I am very grateful for my many memories of my dad. I cherish them. Thank you for reading and for your kind words. xo

  6. Hi Nancy,

    I’m playing catch-up with your post. I’m so behind in my blog readings. My brother shares your dad’s birthday! October 3 is special for me, too. I know you are grieving, and it’s been rough, understandably. I wish I could give you a hug, but a cyberhug will have to do.

    Anyway, I also love October because of the beautiful colors where I’m at. I love the crisp fall days and the crunch of leaves under my feet. This year, I have not allowed the pink stuff to get in the way of my appreciation for the month. Thank you for writing this.

    1. Beth, I remember that you, too, love October. I really haven’t noticed much pink this year, well, compared to other years anyway. I wonder if we’re starting to make a dent. I love that your brother shares my dad’s birthday. Thanks for sharing that. And thanks for the cyber hug too. xx

  7. Hi Nancy, thank you for sharing your thoughts, lessons and inspirations. It helps me to be strong. I lost my dad just recently, September 10. I came through your site as I was searching on Google how to cope with the pain and grief. I happen to read your article on Huffington Post on “8 Tips for Coping with the Death of a Parent.” Then I clicked the link to your website.

    Reading the articles related to grief, I learned we have a lot in common, like my dad was a history teacher too and his birthday is October. That’s why I commented on this post because just like you, October will always belong to my dad. I always associate this month with my dad.

    Another thing we have in common, we love pets and we (me and my mom) also let go of one of our pet dogs 3 days after my dad’s funeral. Just like you, we chose euthanasia rather than see our 7-year old female dog suffer from the pain and uncertainty of going though pyometra surgery.

    Indeed, sharing your grief and thoughts help.

    Thank you Nancy.

    Nadj, 26 yeard old Daddy’s girl from Philippines

    1. Nadj, I am very sorry about your dad’s death. I’m glad reading some of pieces has been helpful. I appreciate you telling me that. October will first and foremost always belong to my dad. The same will be true for you as well. Interesting they were both history teachers. And yes, I love our family pets. Sorry you had to make the tough decision to let one of yours go. It’s very hard. Thank you for reading and commenting. Take care of yourself. Grief is for the long haul. But so is the love.

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