Do you ever feel like you’re the reminder, the reminder of cancer? Do you sometimes wonder if your family and friends see you and then immediately think cancer thoughts? Sometimes I feel this way. One of those people I do not like reminding at all about cancer is my dad. He needs no reminders; he remembers far too much. But whenever I visit him, there I am, the reminder daughter. I don’t like being the reminder, the reminder of cancer. I wonder if he thinks about my mom and cancer whenever he sees me now.
How could he not?
But then again, maybe he doesn’t.
I know it’s true that if we could get inside other people’s minds, we would undoubtedly discover they do not have the thoughts we think they have about us at all, not even close. In fact, other than family and close friends, most people likely don’t give us a thought at all, at least not very often.
Still, I wonder.
Since this past weekend was Father’s Day, dear hubby and I made a trip to visit my dad and dear hubby’s mom as well. And once again this question crossed my mind.
Am I the reminder?
Why don’t I just ask him?
As I’ve written about before, my dad is a man of few words and does not like to speak about such matters and I respect that. We rarely discuss cancer. We don’t even talk that often or that much about my mother. It’s too hard for him. Of course, sometimes I “force” him to talk about her and clearly it makes him uncomfortable, but at the same time I know he likes it too. At least I hope he does.
Asking him if I remind him of her, of cancer and of that time feels too hard and potentially painful. Or perhaps I don’t want to know the answer. And so I don’t ask.
But regardless, I have wondered many times what it’s like to have a wife diagnosed with cancer and then shortly thereafter a daughter too.
And I can’t help myself; I do wonder.
Am I the “reminder”?
Do you sometimes wonder if you’re the “reminder”?
If you’re metastatic, this is even more of an “issue”, so how do you deal with it, or do you?
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My dad’s most recent visit to my house.
My most recent visit to my dad’s house.