One day is not enough!

Please Do Not Remove Your Bra for Me, A Few Other Things You Need Not Do & A Few You Should

I can’t believe I didn’t write this post a few years ago when I first learned about No Bra Day. Maybe I felt if I ignored it, it would go away. Even now, I hesitated to write about it because I do not want more attention given to this ridiculous day designation. I can’t believe this particular designation still exists or that it ever existed, in the first place. Who thinks up this crap anyway? No Bra Day, seriously?

Please do not remove your bra for me on No Bra Day or on any other day, for that matter.

No Bra Day is a dumb designation for a day. A REALLY DUMB one, and it does absolutely nothing to make me feel supported; in fact, it does the exact opposite. Such a day and such an action, only remind me that my reconstructed breasts still feel heavy and foreign and also that I have yet to find that comfortable post-mastectomy/reconstruction bra. It reminds me of the damn cancer and all that it takes from me and many others. Too many others.

Worse yet, FAR WORSE YET, No Bra Day is October 13th – the ONE day out of 31 days in Breast Cancer Awareness Month set aside specifically to focus on metastatic disease. October 13th is National Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day. It cannot be No Bra Day. Let me repeat, it CANNOT be No Bra Day!  Oct 13th is National Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day

Who cannot see the irony and cruelty of such a thing?

A few other things you need not do this month (or any month)…

Please do not put up a string of brightly colored bras across my front yard. (Yes, this happened one year, not in my yard, but in my neighbor’s). Seeing it was/is/would be upsetting.

Please do not buy that pink mixer or pink trash can, unless you really, really LOVE and NEED a pink mixer and a pink trash can. Shopping is not the answer to breast cancer.

Please do not wear that pink boa for my benefit or dye your hair pink or wear that t-shirt with a slogan about tatas or some other demeaning message or word substituted for breasts. And please do not tell me to just lighten up because again, nothing about breast cancer is amusing.

Please do not buy and bite into that pastry with pink frosting and pink sprinkles thinking it’s helping me or the cause. It’s not.

Please do not tell me how to feel or suggest that it’s time to put all “that stuff” behind me now.

Please do not feel you must run in that race or walk in that 3-day for me. If you want to do it for you, do it for you, but do not do it for me.

And please do not ask me to run or walk in one with you. I have my reasons for opting out.

Please do not give away your hard-earned dollars to charities not focused on things that truly help. Before giving, perhaps ask yourself, is this saving (or improving) lives?

Please do not send me pink trinkets, pink t-shirts or pink trophy-like stuff. It’s too awkward. A text, email or note in the mail would always be welcome though.

Please do not paint a rock or worse, two rocks, to look like breasts.

Please do not ask me to share a meme on my Facebook page with some saying that supposedly supports breast cancer awareness.

Please do not suggest I not worry so much about those “internet friends”. They’re my best friends these days. I do worry about them. I want to worry about them. I must worry about them. It’s what I do now. And the grief I feel when one of them dies (too many have and too many will) is real grief.

What can you do?

Read my blog. Here’s a post with 12 ideas for specific things to do. Read my memoir. Or read writings of others.

And listen.

Listening is the most important thing of all. Start right here by clicking on the video/music link below. You might want to grab a tissue first.

But please, do not remove your bra for me on No Bra Day. 

Images via Metastatic Breast Cancer Network. Featured image used and modified with permission.

How do you feel about No Bra Day? 

How will YOU advocate for those with metastatic breast cancer this month and beyond?

Do you have metastatic breast cancer or do you know someone who does (or did)? 

Get more articles from Nancy’s Point in your inbox once a week. Click Here.

Won’t you stand up and “Use YOUR voice”? We cannot and should not expect only those directly impacted by mbc to use their voices. We should ALL be using our voices! Please click on the video below and share it. Or share this post. Video via Metastatic Breast Cancer Network.

 

 

13 thoughts on “Please Do Not Remove Your Bra for Me, A Few Other Things You Need Not Do & A Few You Should

  1. October 13 is my birthday. After my diagnosis of MBC I felt like that was another thing taken away from me. But no bra day??!? F that. How disrespectful of all that we have gone through.

  2. Bravo, Nancy, for telling a truth that needs to be told. No Bra Day is an insult to everyone. I’m infuriated that this day is on Oct. 13. I’m infuriated that this day exists. It’s a real hot-button topic for me. I’ve always admired your honesty and your telling it like it is. I can’t imagine why people would want to go with the flow and just celebrate it.

    You remember my rant on this fake celebration day: http://bethgainer.com/no-bra-day-rant/

    1. Beth, Yeah, it’s one of the dumbest awareness campaigns out there. I forgot about your post. I’ll have to reread it. Thank you for sharing the link.

  3. OMG! This is the first time I’ve heard of “No Bra” day. What a stupid, insensitive, brainless, idea. It’s like asking people to go around with canes and a limp to support amputees. When on earth is all this “cancer is fun” nonsense going to stop?

    Thanks for those 12 suggestions of what each of us can do. Those are the kinds of things I can get behind.

    1. Lennox, Yes, it’s pretty insensitive alright! And great question you asked there. Glad you like my 12 suggestions post. There is stuff we can all do. Easy stuff, too. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts on No Bra Day nonsense.

  4. I found a Sun article that gives a bit more background on the origin of the damn day (https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/4608140/no-bra-day-2017-when-breast-cancer/). Initially is was a Canadian plastic surgeon who wanted to inform women of recon options. I’m sure his motivations were more financially based (breast cancer patients are customers!) rather than awareness, but that is the cynic in me. I do wonder how the no bra selfie aspect developed and who the hell keeps it going. Most of the FB pages I see are borderline porn.
    I just don’t have the strength or energy to fight this one this year.

  5. Interesting… one of the “pros” the oncology surgeon told me just before I left the hospital following a double mastectomy and immediate implant reconstruction in Feb 2016 was that I would never have to wear a bra again…. what he really meant to say was that when the implants morph into whatever they morph into under your pectoralis muscles, you will have 14 year old blobs, not breasts, on a 60 year old body, that sit on an alloderm shelf, don’t move and are hard. Sounds like a great reason to not wear a bra….. NOT!!! This is what I’ve got and I prefer to have them covered and consolidated towards the midline at all times. Who came up with this whole ridiculousness of a “no bra day”? Certainly not a woman who’s had breast cancer!!!

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