Did you know April is National Poetry Month? I didn’t until last year. One of my favorite poets is Lois Hjelmstad. One of her poems that really speaks to me is featured in a post I shared last April. That poem remains one of my all-time favorites. You’ve gotta read it.
I promised myself last April that before the next National Poetry Month rolled around I would try writing some poetry, and that I would share one of my poems with you, Dear Readers. Well, here it is one year later and April is nearly over, so time is running out for that sharing part. Gulp.
Writing poetry is challenging for many reasons, one being that you must choose your words even more carefully to say what you want with limited word usage. Sharing poetry is also challenging because in some ways sharing poems you’ve written feels even more personal than sharing a blog post or an essay.
I’m not exactly sure why this is, but maybe it’s partly because in order to write poetry you have to be even more willing to expose pieces of your inner, private self in just a few words. You can’t explain too much. You just have to put yourself out there. There’s risk involved in writing of any kind, maybe more so when writing poetry.
One thing I love about poetry is that there are no rules. Oh sure, there are some rules for certain kinds of poetry writing, but mostly you’re free to express yourself however you choose. Nice, right?
So enough with the stalling; here’s the poem I chose to share with you today. It’s personal and yes, it was difficult to hit publish, but here it is.
I Miss Them (My Breasts)
I miss them –
Their shape, their naturalness and how they made me feel.
Anatomy parts that once were mine, and then one day just gone.
I never said a proper goodbye.
There wasn’t time.
There was the cancer…
I have new ones now, quite different from my firsts.
Their shape, their feel is still quite foreign, as if they don’t belong.
Because of course, they don’t.
I miss them.
Sometimes it seems I should not say this,
Or even dare to think it.
I am alive.
I should be grateful.
And I am, but…
I miss them.
I didn’t want to part with them and pretend it didn’t matter.
It did. It does. It always will.
I know now that grief and gratitude can co-exist.
And so I’m done pretending.
I miss them.
It’s okay to feel this way and say so right out loud.
And so I’m done pretending.
I miss them.
Have you written any poetry? If so, feel free to share a poem or a link.
If you’ve had breast surgery of any kind, do you miss your originals as they once were?
Have you ever felt as if you shouldn’t say certain things, or even feel certain ways about your cancer experience?
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It’s absolutly okay to say it aloud. I think your poem hits on that very well – we shouldn’t be ashamed to miss the body that was.
Very moving poem, Nancy.
~Catherine
Catherine, I think it’s okay too, maybe even necessary. Thank you for reading and for taking time to comment too.
dear Nancy,
here’s a poem I wrote…
for comfort
may we be granted an open heart
to hear the gentle beckoning
“come hold my hand. look about you
and see the bounty of provisions for your soul.
be quiet and listen.”
for in the stillness comes blessed peace.
when your eyes behold
the wonders of verdant Spring,
so heartbreakingly beautiful,
the mingled tears of joy and sorrow
will bring a soothing balm
to your weary eyes.
so go, go to that silent and lovely place
when you are able and in need.
soon you will learn of the great healers-
Time, Nature, and Patience.
dedicated to all my dear friends and those I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting, who may need comfort and healing.
love,
Karen xoxo
Karen, Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful poem with us. Once again, your kind and generous soul shines through and yes, those great healers… xx
Thanks for sharing the poems Nancy and Karen. Poetry has always been a healthy outlet for me to process emotions, heal, grow in acceptance. Here is a poem I wrote about 6 months after my bilateral mastectomy:
Missing
Two parts
Of me
Are missing
Gone
Never to return
Let me
Rephrase that
They aren’t
Missing
They were
Removed
Taken from me
For reasons
Worthy of
Such a deed
They aren’t
Missing
But I am
Missing them
Intensely
At times
I am a
Scarred
Double amputee
Who misses
Her twin parts
Misses
What they were
What they
Could do
When still
Attached
Gone
Never to return
So final
Lisa, I am so glad you shared your poem. It’s wonderfully open and honest. Thank you.
I can really relate to that poem. Lois is so gifted with her words. A double mastectomy left me bereft of my breasts, which I still miss. I wrote a poetry book a few years back about my cancer and lymphedema experience, called The Pebble Path, with the link: http://janhasak.com/book/the-pebble-path-returning-home-from-a-forest-of-shadows
Jan, That’s right! I had forgotten about your poetry book. I bet it’s wonderful. Thank you for sharing the link, Jan.
Grief and gratitude can co-exist.
Thank you for that phrase. You write beautifully.
Kira, Thank you very much for your kind words.
Thank you for the shout-out, Nancy. I really appreciate it. I like the poems shared here very much.
On May 7-8, my second book, The Last Violet: Mourning My Mother, will be a FREE Kindle book. See ow.ly/tBsb9 those two days. I’d love your readers to have the free download.
Lois, You’re very welcome. I love that poem of yours I shared. Just love it. And thank you for sharing about your free book offer coming up. That’s terrific and very generous of you. I’ll have to remember to download it.
Sorry, everyone. Go to ow.ly/vfH8E for the FREE download. The other link doesn’t seem to work.
Lois, Thanks again!
Nancy,
Your poem is so poignant, and it truly resonates with me. You have every right to miss your breasts. I totally get what you are saying, and I love it and hope you keep writing more poetry.
I write poetry, too, as you know. It’s a great form of self-expression.
Beth, Thank you very much. I would like to try writing more poetry and you’re so right about it being a great form of self-expression. Poems are hard to share though, don’t you think? Thanks for always getting it, Beth.
All the poems were so expressive. Thanks for sharing.
Betty, Thanks for reading them and for the kind words.
Here is one I wrote a couple years ago.
“It’s Cancer!”
Copyright © 2014 Mitzi M. Moh
The dreaded wait,
The fateful words,
The gloomy day.
“It’s Cancer.”
GASP!
The doctor said, “It’s Cancer.”
I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut:
numb,
scared,
shocked,
stunned–
HELP!
I can’t talk:
anxious,
lost,
lonely,
dazed.
“IT’S CANCER!”
Tearful.
Alone,
Exhausted,
How will I do this?
What will happen?
What is my future?
My life – changed forever.
I want my mind back.
I need support that I never expected.
I keep hearing the word cancer, CANcer, CANCER.
A label I don’t want.
A throng that is too large.
“IT’S CANCER!”
A bond with others who have heard the same
ANY IS TOO MANY… TOO MUCH CANCER
Together we HOPE. Together we LEARN. Together we HEAL.
Beautifully put!
Mitzi, Wow, that is powerful. Thank you for sharing your poem.
Nancy, I love your poem. Of course we have to express our losses and what better way than poetry? I wrote a poem called Fatigue on my blog: http://www.womaninthehat.com/fatigue/ While others write of love and loss, we write of breasts and energy and the loss of those things.
Eileen, I read your poem in Nancy’s most recent blog. You captured the feeling of profound fatigue perfectly.
I wanted you to know that I enjoyed it.
Nancy
As a poet and writer I can say that poetry is a matter of the heart. The very best poetry boils up from the fire inside of us and burns away the page leaving nothing but the truth. It does not have to take years of school to understand the meaning. It makes us think, laugh, cry, but most of all feel along with the poet. I can feel (no pun intended) how it must be to lose part of the identity of being a woman. I feel about as feminine as a boy some days. My hormones and lumpectomy made me flat but I love not wearing a bra. I don’t love not wearing a bra too. I miss them, my figure, my hair, my eyebrows, my nose hair. I hate farting in line at the grocery store with no dog to say “bad dog!l” to for having polluted the scene. I’m tired. But you’re a poet and you’re a writer and you use your words to convey what life in a cancer body is like, speaking for yourself and for those who cannot. Write poetry. It’s a way to strip it all down to a few words and then fewer still once it’s edited. Read it and let the emotion come forth – it’s a beautiful poem. Looks like a great idea maybe to put a small anthology of poetry together even online for women with breast and ovarian cancer. I think we all have a few good ones in us!
Ilene, You’re so right, poetry is a matter of the heart. A lot of writing is, but poetry takes it to another level. I love your idea of putting together an anthology of poetry. Will have to give that some thought. Thank you for reading my poem and sharing some thoughts on the power of poetry.