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“Dragging My Feet” Into Spring

Are you ready for spring?

I am. Then again, I’m not. I’m “dragging my feet” a bit. It doesn’t much matter though because ready or not, spring is here!

Signs of spring are everywhere.

Temps are rising. Robins are back. Early spring flowers are “timidly” sprouting, allowing us glimpses of green. The ice has disappeared early off our little lake. A certain eagle duo is getting busier and noisier frantically preparing their nest in one of our towering white pines the pair “homesteaded” a couple of years ago.

The arrival of an early spring is something of an oddity in my neck of the woods.

Generally, the calendar says spring around here way before Mother Nature does. Generally, spring doesn’t show its face for another week or two month.

This year Mother Nature decided to change things up a little. Spring-like weather arrived before the calendar “gave its permission.”

Last weekend we enjoyed record setting temps (eighty degrees!) and that was on St. Patrick’s Day no less. We’ve had monstrous snowstorms here on (and after) St. Patrick’s Day! Last year we had a huge pile of snow to melt yet at this point.

Ironically, hubby, son number two and I spent our first warm days of spring cleaning up our yard from the remnants of the heavy wet snow we received only a short while ago.

Yes, Mother Nature likes to keep us guessing around here.

Many people proclaim spring to be their favorite season of the year. Spring brings with it freshness, new growth, new beginnings and simply a feeling of renewal and starting over.

Spring is nature’s busy time.

What’s not to like about that?

I appreciate all these things about spring too.

Still, spring has never been my favorite season. As I’ve probably mentioned before, my vote would have to go to fall.

Does preferring the season when things are withering, falling off and preparing for winter make me some sort of oddity? I don’t know, perhaps. Regardless, fall is the season that makes me most appreciative of life’s cyclic nature….

There’s something extraordinarily special about fall’s fleeting beauty.

Maybe it’s a good thing spring isn’t my favorite season.

Why?

Well, because now I equate associate spring with cancer.

Spring is cancer season for me.

Soon I’ll be staring at all those dates again. Soon I’ll be grappling with all those reminders. Soon I’ll be muddling my way through a new spring and summer while remembering that recent spring and summer two years ago when my life changed in ways I never expected.

I’m moving forward, but still looking back.

I’m trying to look back less frequently and for shorter amounts of time, but I’m still looking. It’s almost like I have to.

I haven’t received “clearance” yet. I know I never will, not completely.

A couple friends of mine have mentioned they started to relax a bit more after hitting year three. Will this be the case for me?

I don’t know.

Whether I’m ready or not, spring has arrived.

And this is a good thing.

I am relishing (while remembering) this fresh season of spring.

How about you?

What’s your favorite season?

What’s your favorite sign of spring?

If you’ve had cancer, have you stopped looking back?

 

20 thoughts to ““Dragging My Feet” Into Spring”

  1. Hi, Nancy.

    Great post. Sorry to hear you’re gearing up for cancer season again. *hugs* I know I’ll be a lot happier once this darn Easter time is over with. I think my favourite season is summer, because it’s the time of year that I can reflect without feeling the pain that accompanies that level of reflection this time of year. However, my favourite sign of spring has to be baby birds milling around. Doesn’t get much cuter than that, in my opinion.

    Best wishes,

    Casey

    1. Casey, I know this time of year is painful for you and I’m sorry about that. You’re right about those baby birds though… thanks for commenting.

  2. Spring has arrived early in Chicago, too! June 19 was the day of my mastectomy, so June is my “cancer month.” This year it will be sixteen years. My mom was also diagnosed in June, so she never liked June. It gets easier, but I always remember.

    1. Ginny Marie, Spring seems to be early in a lot of places. Of course, we could get a winter reminder at any point, right? My mastectomy was in June too. Wow, sixteen years. Glad to hear it gets easier. Sorry about the June reminder regarding your mom too. Remembering is OK, even necessary I think. Thanks for commenting.

  3. Oh Nancy, this post is so moving. Experiencing the desire to move forward and, at the same time, a compulsion to look back is unsettling. All those key dates rolling around each year …
    Your post evoked “winter” in Phoenix, warm days and cool nights. I love the time from Halloween to New Year’s Day. I love winter soups and Christmas decorations and being able to plant all the flowers that grow in Ireland (flowers that will most definitely not survive the summer heat here). But this cancer has cast a shadow over my favorite season. I was diagnosed this past Veteran’s Day and I really can’t remember the details of Christmas. Maybe that’s a good thing.
    the sun is splitting the trees outside this morning. It is a perfect Spring day, one to relish. Thinking of you as you relish (and remember) yours.
    x

    1. Yvonne, Your word choice is so much better – “compulsion” – that’s it! It’s like I still must look back. It can be unsettling at times for sure, but I think it’s still all part of the processing. Your diagnosis was so recent, so it’s perfectly understandable your memories of Christmas are a bit foggy. I like that time of year you mentioned too. I’m sorry your favorite season now has the cancer shadow. That stinks. Thanks for sharing and for your kind words.

  4. Fall has always been my favorite season, for all the obvious reasons (crisp air, warm food, apple pie) but also the leading up to my favorite holidays (Halloween through Christmas.

    Alas, I was diagnosed in December 2010 and now my favorite season is tainted. That first Christmas was a blur. The second, less so, but heavy nonetheless.

    I think I need a new favorite season. I think Spring is it!

    I’m with you, Nancy: I wonder if I will learn to relax a bit as the years tick by. I hope so! And on that note, I am off t take a hike!

    1. Renn, Thanks so much for sharing. I’m sorry your favorite season has been tainted. Perhaps picking a new favorite is the way to go! And I’m sure we will “relax” a bit more as time ticks away.

  5. I wish I could remember how I used to ‘gear up’ — for anything!! Definitely dragging my butt into spring. Spring is when my birthday is, but you know how your feelings about birthdays change after cancer. It’s become a less innocent, more poignant day for me. Fall is still my favorite season, even though that’s when I was in the midst of acute cancer treatment. And then there’s Pinktober…

    Still, spring comes in a close second to fall, and I have a staycation coming up. And this year, I do plan to do some good, old-fashioned spring cleaning, metaphorical and otherwise. And revel in the soft, warm, gentle air that only happens at this time of year.

    Whatever good moments we can grab, whether our butts are dragging or not, are worth enjoying. xoxo, Kathi

    1. Kathi, I remember that fall is your favorite too. You’re right, sometimes it’s hard to gear up for anything isn’t it? Your advice is perfect. We must grab the good moments whenever they occur. Enjoy those gentle breezes and good luck with all the good old-fashioned spring cleaning. I need to do a bit of that myself. Thanks for commenting.

  6. I love the pictures of the bald eagles. Just gorgeous!

    My favorite season does happen to be spring. I was diagnosed with cancer in winter both times, so fortunately I escaped spring cancer diagnoses. The harbinger of spring for me is the beginning pink (natural pink) blooms of the magnolia tree. There’s something about the huge magenta petals that remind me of vigor and life.

    I have a huge problem with autumn, because both my parents died during that season. And I finished up chemo and radiation in the fall, wondering then when the other shoe would drop and cancer return, now that I was done with treatment.

    But now that I am nine years out from my cancer recurrence, I don’t look back much at cancer. I look forward to seeing new signs of life, maybe grandchildren, maybe a move. I’m ready and I’m stronger now than ever before. And for that I am grateful.

    Thanks for the wonderful post! XOXO Jan

    1. Jan, I remember October has some painful memories for you. I’m sorry. It’s encouraging to hear that nine years out you don’t look back much at cancer. I look forward to the future too, but I do still look back a lot, especially this time of year. I agree, magnolia trees are beautiful, though of course we don’t have those around here. My little crocus flowers are just beginning to bloom. I do love seeing them “smile” at me every spring. They’re always first and always lovely, like miniature reliable friends…Thanks for commenting. Enjoy your favorite season of spring!

  7. Nothing much we could call “spring” down here in FL, at least not with respect to temperature, new buds on the trees, or the very obvious changes one witnesses up north. As I look at the fabulous picture you’ve shared of the bald eagles preparing their nest in your view, I imagine taking comfort in such a spring gift. Down here, it is winter when we see bald eagles nesting, something I consider a winter gift. What a lovely place you call home!

    Susan

    1. Susan, Thanks so much for your comments. Yes, the seasons are quite different in Florida I would imagine! This particular eagle pair stays all year round. It’s a bit surprising they don’t “pull out” for winter. They manage to survive fine I guess.

  8. Nancy,

    Yes, we had an 80-degree St. Patrick’s Day, too. Where I am, “early spring” is not a phrase we understand. I’m sorry you are entering cancerversaries and the spring season being a reminder. As you know, for me it’s winter.

    Everybody has a different way of dealing with cancer. Unfortunately, I look back too often, although I also savor life in the present. I try not to look back a lot, but it’s hard not to, isn’t it?

    For me, it hasn’t gotten easier as the years have passed; it’s just different from year to year.

    1. Beth, Everybody does deal with cancer differently that’s for sure. I can’t help myself, it’s like I must look back. I just try not to “stay” there too long. It’s interesting you say it hasn’t gotten easier for you as the years have passed, just different. Sounds logical to me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  9. Hi Nancy, I’m with you. I don’t think I’ll ever view May 1st the same ever again. Instead of it being mine and my son’s birthday month, it’ll always be the month I was diagnosed. Even though, it’s the last thing I want to remember and no, I don’t think I’ll breathe easier at my three year anniversary either. I’ve just seen too much. The only thing I can do is figure out how to move it from the forefront of my brain and enjoy life. Why is it so hard?

    Nice post, amazing photos! Hugs to you this season of Spring.

    1. Stacey, Yes, you are a “spring diagnosis person” too aren’t you? I think it’s so hard, Stacey, because we “know too much.” As you said, we try to learn not to let cancer be in the forefront, but it’s always lurking. Thanks so much for commenting. Hope you enjoy all the lovely parts of spring!

  10. Loved the eagles pictures. What fun to have them so close. Yes, I think it gets easier with every passing day. Hang in there each and every one of you.

    1. Betty, Yes, it is fun to be able to observe the eagle activity. It’s incredible how busy and noisy they become. Parenthood is exhausting work for eagles too I guess! Thanks for your supportive words. Glad things have gotten easier for you.

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