How Do You Mark Cancerversaries, Or Do You?

It’s been over a decade since I heard those words, you have cancer. Actually, the words I heard were, you have ‘a’ cancer. I’ve always wondered about that little ‘a’ inserted into the conversation I had on the phone with ‘a’ doctor that spring day. Yes, ‘a’ doctor delivered the news, not ‘my’ doctor; another little ‘a’ sneaking in there…

As I’ve written about many times, there are lots of reminder dates that pop out on the calendar for me each year. There are my mother’s dates too, so between the two of us, there get to be quite a few.

Do I mark them all? Lord, no. But many of them, you bet I do.

How could I not?

Marking cancerversaries is something we all feel differently about; no surprise there, right?

Some people mark all of them; some mark just the biggies. Others don’t mark any, or so they say. Still others, celebrate dates they finished up this treatment or that treatment. Again, some do not. Some mark each year post diagnosis, sort of like adding to a “years of survival chain” I suppose. A few might go out to eat, or even throw parties. Some people talk and share, others keep silent.

A few days ago, Dear Hubby was asking me about my upcoming cancerversary dates. He remembers the two big ones, diagnosis day and bilateral mastectomy day. He doesn’t really remember the others, the dates I mean.

It was touching and telling to me when he said, “Yes I remember that one” (bilateral day). I didn’t ask him to elaborate on his comment; I didn’t need to. I’ve been thinking lately more about that day and how it must have felt from his vantage point…

Dear Hubby went on to ask me if I wanted to do anything special to mark any of the days this year.

“No, I said, “I don’t.”

Around my first cancerversary, we did. We took some time and “disappeared” for a bit at the Florida coast. It was wonderfully freeing just to be somewhere else where no one knew anything about us.

Since then, I don’t mark cancerversary dates — not out loud anyway. I might mention this date or that date to Dear Hubby, but that’s it. I mark dates privately now. And of course, I still mark many of them here with you, Dear Readers.

After a certain amount of time passes, you’re expected to not talk about cancer much anymore. Remembering dates, out loud, becomes awkward for those listening.

Admittedly, some dates are slowly becoming a bit fuzzier in my mind; the dates, not the memories of what happened on them. Big difference.

But some days will always be marked days. And that day when I got the call; well, that’s certainly one of them.

So yes, I do mark cancerversaries, but I do so quietly now, and this is okay with me. Perhaps it’s even as it should be.

What about you — how do you mark cancerversaries, or do you?

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Do you mark any of your cancerversaries and if so, how do you do it — “loudly or quietly”?