Many people couldn’t wait to say goodbye to 2016. It was a rough year for various reasons, and I kept reading and hearing how lots of people could not wait to move forward into the New Year. Bring on 2017, they said and wrote. 2016 was hard. Too many losses. Too much heartache. Just too much.
Was 2016 worse than other years as far as losses and heartache go?
Maybe. Maybe not. For sure, there were a lot of losses as cultural icons go. A lot. David Bowie. Alan Rickman. Prince. Gene Wilder. Gary Shandling. Patty Duke. Muhammad Ali. And of course, recently Carrie Fisher and her mom, Debbie Reynolds. These are just a few that come to mind off the top of my head as I write this post.
In Cancer Land there were far too many losses as well. I won’t name names for fear I might inadvertently leave someone special out, but I must mention my friend Jody. Sometimes I still cannot believe she’s gone.
Too many losses. Just too many.
And there was a certain election. I’m still not coping well with how that turned out; mostly I’ve just tuned out. At times I feel guilty about doing this, but I also realize I’ve been in some sort of self-preservation mode, and this is okay. For now.
And then there was my dad…
For me, 2016 will always be the year that “took” my dad.
Except for a certain wedding, 2016 sucked.
For you, Dad. Been buying this calendar for you for Xmas for decades, so had to get it for 2017 too. I’ll keep on eye on the weather down here, Dad, if you do the same from above.
Despite the harshness of 2016, I still had mixed feelings about saying goodbye.
I was in no hurry to swap out my calendars and welcome in 2017.
Saying goodbye to 2016 somehow felt like I was saying goodbye to my dad again as well. Putting more time, more days, more months between today and the day of his death felt like I was distancing myself from him. Literally.
Of course, I know there is no logic to this thinking. No amount of time could ever do that. Nothing could.
But grief isn’t something one can always make sense of.
Grief does not follow logic.
Grief is grief.
You just just muddle through it somehow.
So while I am excited to see what the New Year brings, I have also been feeling a little blue about the fanfare of welcoming in the New Year.
Years come and years go. Good years. Not so good years. It matters not. Time marches on reminding us of our smallness and brevity.
Luckily, love and fond memories are forever.
Treasures for my heart indeed.
So yes, goodbye 2016. Good riddance.
Hello, 2017.
Bring it on.
I guess I’m ready after all.
Are you feeling ready to face the New Year? Why or why not?
What’s something you’re looking forward to this year?
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Eileen@womaninthehat
Sunday 8th of January 2017
Nancy, you've definitely had a bittersweet year. Losing a parent is such a deep loss, but I'm glad you got to see your son marry. I think 2017 will be like most years for many -- a mixture of sweet and bitter, but hopefully with a little more sweetness. I wish you and your family many reasons for joy in 2017.
Nancy
Tuesday 10th of January 2017
Eileen, Yes, 2016 was a year of extreme highs and extreme lows. Wishing you and your family many reasons for joy in 2017 as well. Thank you for all your support, Eileen. xo
Rebecca
Saturday 7th of January 2017
Nancy, I can relate to how you feel. I thought about my friend a lot during the New Year. I remember saying "no matter how much time goes by, you'll never be forgotten". Because in a way, I felt like I was saying goodbye to her too. There was also a sense of guilt.
Last year was hard, and what worries me about the new year, are the consequences from last year's decisions (political). For some reason, this year seems very unclear and intense at the same time. I'd be curious to know what lies ahead (only for 2017). I am looking forward to a vacation. And no, I am not ready to face the new year unless it's all good news.
You are doing the best you can to cope. Please know we are here for you, Nancy. xo
Nancy
Tuesday 10th of January 2017
Rebecca, I'm sorry 2016 was so rough for you. Of course, you'll never forget Cathy, but I know exactly what you mean about feeling you were saying goodbye again as the New Year came in. And the political landscape ahead this year remains troubling indeed. I am working on another post about it. I hope you get to take that vacation fairly soon. You deserve one. I think we all do! Wishing you the best in 2017 and thank you for being there. That means a lot. xo
Amy C Smith
Thursday 5th of January 2017
Now that I am two years post treatment I feel as though I have lost some inspiration and momentum. The adrenaline and routine of doctor's appointments, the cancer center, and life as a patient are not anything I want back, yet I struggle with settling into the life "after" it all.
In 2016 I increased my time volunteering with local charities and schools that are important to me. I think 2017 will be the year I focus on finding more balance between the needs of others and the needs of my spirit.
Happy New Year, Nancy!
Nancy
Thursday 5th of January 2017
Amy, It's pretty normal to feel sort of lost or in limbo when the high-intensity part of treatment ends or slows down. Tiptoeing through survivorship, that's how I sometimes describe it. Survivorship isn't easy either. Lots of us struggle with settling into the life "after". I think you hit on something big there - finding balance. That's so important. But, of course, it's easier said than done! I'm still working on that one myself. Writing definitely helps me. One highlight for me this year was discovering your writing, your blog. I look forward to reading more in 2017. Thank you for stopping by. Happy New Year to you too!
Beth Gainer
Thursday 5th of January 2017
Hi Nancy,
I always get depressed with all the fanfare and "partying" that bringing in the New Year evokes. It's like society is always telling us to be happy and joyous at a time that doesn't feel joyous to me. I'm glad 2016 is over, but I'm not sure I'm looking forward to 2017. The year of Trump. This really blows my mind. I will try to make the most of my life, but I can't bear watching the news. I will not be watching the inauguration.
Hopefully, 2017 will have wonderful things in store for you, my friend. You and your loved ones deserve the best.
Nancy
Thursday 5th of January 2017
Beth, Lots of people are feeling more than a little uneasy about 2017, politically speaking. It'll be interesting, that's for sure. I can't bear to watch the news like I used to either. Hopefully 2017 will have wonderful things in store for you too - for all of us. Thank you for all your support year in and year out. You keep reading and commenting and I appreciate it. :)
Lisa Valentine
Thursday 5th of January 2017
Wishing you all the best in 2017 Nancy! A day at a time, a post at a time. It is so important to acknowledge and reflect on our lives, our lessons, our leaps ahead, and our losses. You have done so very nicely in this post. Thank you!
Nancy
Thursday 5th of January 2017
Lisa, One day at a time - such good advice for us all to keep in mind. Wishing you all the best in 2017 too. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Honestly, I don't know how you manage to put one out every day. Thank you for sharing. You're always so kind.