Here’s the second installment of things I’ve learned/observed about loss. If you missed list one, you can find it here. Again, there is no hierarchy or particular order to these lists. It was the act of writing things down randomly that made a difference for me.
I like to go back and re-read my lists from time to time. It’s a reminder of where I was, where I am now and how far I have come.
I’m sharing my lists in the hope it might encourage you to make one of your own if you’ve experienced a loss recently, or even not so recently.
12 More Things I’ve Observed About Loss
- No one is prepared for loss. You won’t be ready.
- Keep talking and keep laughing (when you can) through it all.
- It’s true; we don’t appreciate loved ones enough when they’re with us.
- No one can take away your memories.
- Some memories are yours alone.
- Don’t listen to anyone who says you should be over it by now.
- Keeping a journal can help you get through tough times.
- Anger is normal and sometimes even necessary when grieving.
- Take photos of this life passage too, if you’re loved doesn’t mind.
- Grief is not something to hurry through or just get over. It’s something you move through and experience at your own pace and in your own way.
- Grief’s intensity lessens, but the loss is for a lifetime.
- Time is everything.
I will keep making additions to my lessons from loss lists because there is still much to learn.
Which item on this list speaks most to you?
Have you ever made a list of things you’ve learned from loss?
Have you ever kept a journal?
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Susan Zager
Sunday 16th of June 2013
Nancy, this is really well written and I too especially can't understand anyone saying to someone they should "be over it". Grief stays with you and hits you at different times. I also love the "Grief's intensity lessens, but loss is for a lifetime."It's so true because time does help, but it doesn't completely heal. It can't. "Anger is normal and sometimes even necessary when grieving." It's an important part of the grieving process. I also love the one "Memories are treasures of the heart." Thank you for sharing this. xoxoxo -Susan
Nancy
Sunday 16th of June 2013
Susan, Thank you so much.
Philippa (aka Feisty Blue Gecko)
Saturday 15th of June 2013
So many of these resonate. Especially "grief's intensity lessens, but the loss is for a lifetime". Sigh. Indeed.
Beautifully written, thank you Nancy
Nancy
Sunday 16th of June 2013
Philippa, The loss is for a lifetime, so how can one ever possibly finish grieving? Luckily, the memories are for a lifetime too. Thanks for commenting. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss, Philippa.
Beth L. Gainer
Thursday 13th of June 2013
They were all great, Nancy, but the one that spoke to me most is the one about people telling one that he/she should be "over it" by now. Why is it that people say this? I think it's because they can't deal with the reality of pain caused by loss. Perhaps they are doing some wishful thinking that everything could return as before, but that will never happen.
Your list is excellent and moving.
I keep a journal, and this is where I find my release. It is for my eyes only, and it feels secure, like a great friend. I haven't journaled for awhile, though, but plan to get back to it tonight. There is such comfort in the process of writing.
Nancy
Sunday 16th of June 2013
Beth, I think you probably know how valuable I think journaling is too. I have been neglecting my "old friend" (my journal) a bit too of late and want to get back to it on a more regular basis. You might be right about some people wanting to avoid the reality of loss. It can be hard to face. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Beth.
Green Monkey
Thursday 13th of June 2013
Ahhhhh.... Grief. I was not prepared for the loss of my son but I was for my father. His decline and death was a beautiful dance. But then again, I was at the beginning of my cancer crisis and my mind was numb. Still is
Nancy
Thursday 13th of June 2013
Green Monkey, I'm so sorry for the loss of your son and for your father too. Losing a child is a whole different kind of grief that brings with it so many unimaginable challenges. And with your cancer diagnosis as well, you are dealing with an awful lot. I appreciate your comments. Thank you.
Cancer Curmudgeon
Thursday 13th of June 2013
I guess I somehow missed the first post of these so I will combine all the ones I like from both: allow pets in nursing homes, (of course!), I don't have to finish grieving,silence is overrated, and some things cannot be fixed; all from the first post and I loved them. From this post I loved most the point about I don't need to be over it already (as has been said to me). I don't wish to be "over it", would rather keep blogging so those "new to it" know they are not alone.
Nancy
Thursday 13th of June 2013
Cancer Curmudgeon, Thanks for reading both posts and sharing your favorites.