I’ve written about hair many times. Hair posts seem to strike a chord. If you’re a woman, hair is always on your mind. Well, maybe not always; but hair is on your mind at least once or twice a day, probably many more times if you’re honest. Maybe this is true for men, too, but it’s not quite the same deal.
Hair and/or the lack of hair is a bigger deal if you happen to be female. This is not at all fair of course, and we might not like to admit it’s true, but this doesn’t mean it isn’t.
Well, no one cringes when they see a bald man out in public; but plenty of people cringe, or at least do a double-take, when they see a bald woman, or even just a woman with really “bad” hair, whatever that means to whoever is doing the looking.
And let me just say again, I hated being bald. Hated it. I know some of you say you find/found it to be freeing. I respect you for thinking like that, but I just never felt freed by my baldness.
If truth be told, I felt even more “imprisoned” by cancer when I was bald.
Fast forward a bit…
Eventually, post-chemo I did manage to grow some new hair. However since chemo, since being put on AIs, therefore since cancer, my hair has been nothing like it used to be. And my hair used to be one of my “better” features – in my mind anyway. Today it’s more sparse, more unruly, more difficult to style, more stress-inducing, more of a whole lot of what you don’t want to be true about your hair. I definitely no longer see my hair as one of my “better” features. Sometimes I wonder if I have any “better” features anymore… but that’s another post.
Of course, none of this means I’m not grateful to have some hair. I am. But still…
When I finally did grow enough hair to require a haircut again a while back, I had a lot of explaining to do to my regular stylist because of course she wondered where I’d been for the last year or two.
I explained. I told her. You know what that means.
Yes, I told her about cancer. I told her about chemo. We had had a good relationship before cancer, so it wasn’t too awkward to share bits and pieces of my cancer story with her. She was very kind, caring and understanding. She was gentle, and I don’t just mean with my hair. I confided in her about my new hair struggles, too, and have never allowed anyone else to cut my hair in the past two years or so since.
Then it happened. She up and quit; hence this little rant!
The last time I walked into my usual chain salon that I go to for my regular trim, she was gone.
That old familiar feeling of dread, self-consciousness yes, even panic set in as I realized I had to start all over with someone new.
That old dilemma once again presented itself. You might know the one…
How much do I tell?
How much do I share? Will the new stylist get it? Does it matter? Yes it does. Why do I care? Because it’s my hair. I have to tell her something because my hair (I have to face it) is a little weird. I can say that ‘cuz it’s mine.
So, I shared just enough with her.
Too much? Not enough? Will I eventually like her?
On all counts, who knows?
In the scheme of things, none of this is a big deal I know.
But it’s still hard. Even now.
And I miss my old hair.
Cancer or no cancer, do you have hair issues?
How much of your cancer experience do you generally share with others?