So, how do you feel about the expression, cancer is a gift? As far as I’m concerned, cancer was not, is not, and never will be a gift.
No surprise, right?
My mind has not been changed since I wrote, Cancer Is Not a Gift. If anything, I believe even more strongly that…
Cancer was not, is not, and never will be a gift.
I have not felt that epiphany moment when I suddenly figured stuff out and morphed into a new and improved version of my former self. Perhaps I’m a slow learner, but the great “cancer lessons” escape me, except of course, the great lesson of loss. I have learned that lesson well.
Cancer was not, is not, and never will be a gift.
Do I sound bitter and maybe even a bit angry?
Though I try not to, sometimes I guess I do, and sometimes, I guess I am. But even if I do, so what?
Cancer was not, is not, and never will be a gift.
My mother died from metastatic breast cancer. We received the devastating news about her horrible prognosis on Christmas Eve no less, ironically, right before my family and I sat down to open gifts.
Cancer was not, is not, and never will be a gift.
Dear friends of mine have died from metastatic disease, and others I care about (and countless more I will never know) struggle every day in ways unimaginable to those who do not “know”.
Cancer was not, is not, and never will be a gift.
When my initial cancer treatment ended, I felt blessed for many reasons, but I did not feel blessed to have had cancer. I was grateful for many people and many things, but I did not feel grateful to cancer.
Cancer was not, is not, and never will be a gift.
I am the same. I am changed. I am still me, and yet I am not.
Cancer was not, is not, and never will be a gift.
When this topic comes up, I remember the sage words of my late friend Rachel who said this about the cancer is a gift notion:
I don’t care if the experience of breast cancer causes you to morph into the next Mother Theresa, the fact remains that nothing, nada, zilch can ever be enough to compensate for what is lost to breast cancer. It’s an evil curse, and I don’t intend to ever see it any other way.
Brilliantly stated, don’t you agree?
Cancer was not, is not, and never will be a gift.
If you choose to call your cancer a gift, I do not judge you; truly I do not.
But as for me and my family,
Cancer was not, is not, and never will be a gift.
Do you view your cancer, or any serious illness/experience you have or have had as a gift?
How do you feel and/or react when you hear someone call cancer a gift?
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If you agree that cancer is never a gift, you might want to read my memoir. No sugarcoating. Guaranteed.
Beth L. Gainer
Wednesday 6th of December 2023
Hi Nancy,
I don't see the disease itself as a gift. Like so many breast cancer havers, I've been through utter hell and have lost dear friends to breast cancer. It has caused anguish, fear, suffering, and an infinite number of other aspects.
I am not the same. I have PTSD. It's real.
Yet, and I wouldn't call this an epiphany, but as you know I was in a terrible place before cancer -- a marriage with an abusive, neglectful husband who stole all of my money. It was hell. When I got cancer, I immediately and finally thought to put MY needs first. After treatments ended, so did my marriage. At the time, I was grieving terribly, for divorce is painful and is also a reason we grieve. But as time went on, I leaned into my super supportive aunt and good friends to help me move on.
Cancer was the final straw to that marriage. Would it have ended if I hadn't ever gotten cancer? I don't know. All I know is that cancer is not a gift, but I did gain perspective enough to leave the jerk I was married to.
Deb
Thursday 15th of December 2022
Ya the gift that keeps on giving...not! I've never felt my mbc was a gift. Nor the two early stage cancers starting at age 38. I've been in and out of treatment for 23 years of my life. I do feel lucky to still be alive, but I've lost more than I can remember having at this point. And I'm mad as hell that in 23 years, so little has changed in treating breast cancer. It's still incurable and the treatments are horrible. It's so disheartening. I've lost so many lovely friends to this shitty disease.
Nancy
Wednesday 21st of December 2022
Deb, I hear you. Boy, do I. I'm sorry you're dealing with MBC and have seen so many lovely friends taken by this shitty disease. Cancer is no gift, that's for darn sure. Thank you for sharing. My best to you.
Stephanie May
Wednesday 8th of December 2021
Cancer is a gift??? On what planet is a chronic, fatal, relapsing disease a gift? I feel judged and minimized when I hear this
Julie Kusnetz
Wednesday 8th of December 2021
@Nancy, this quote resonates with me.
“It is a myth that cancer empowers you to witness the beauty and majesty of life. The gloss we try to put on suffering is that it offers us some insight - existential or otherwise - into life and its mysteries. That the sun is brighter and the air is clearer after a rousing contest with our corporeal being. That the relationships with our families matter more. That we learn to savor the small things in life, the colors, flavors, tactile sensations, a breeze blowing, the smells of flowers. That beautiful music resonates at a deeper, more profound level after we have been blasted from our mundane daily existences. That somehow out of the monumental task of being a cancer patient one deepens oneself and reaches into a repository of feelings, a depth of existence, a mode of being that was not previously expressed, that was hiding in plain sight, that but for the cancer might not have seen the light of day. It does occur. It can happen. But it is not the usual experience, or the common one.”-Eric Manheimer, MD
Nancy
Wednesday 8th of December 2021
Stephanie, Me too. I've heard a few people over the years come right and call it a gift. Of course, many others reframe it and say it more subtlety. You know, it's a wake-up call, enlightenment opportunity, and so on. To me, those are just more varnished ways of calling it a gift. But that's me and how I see it. Not everyone agrees, which is fine. Thank you for taking time to comment
Candy Welsh-Payne
Monday 3rd of August 2020
I can't wrap my head around the sentiment of cancer being a gift. I lost my dear sister to cancer. That was no gift. My Mom, my Auntie, another sister and myself all slogged through treatment and it was no gift. I was angry and annoyed. The only positive was that I survived as did my second sister. Nothing else about it was good. Nothing !!
Nancy
Friday 7th of August 2020
Candy, I cannot wrap my head around around the idea of cancer being a gift of any sort either. I am sorry to hear your sister died from cancer and that other members of your family have been dealing with cancer too. It sucks. Period. https://nancyspoint.com/cancer-sucks-period/ Thank you so much for sharing. Hope you're doing alright. Your mom, aunt and sister too.
Chelle
Thursday 26th of September 2019
Definitely not a gift, gifts are something you give someone that you think they may enjoy. I wouldn't give cancer to my worst enemy. It is not by any means a gift. Thank you for such honest and thought provoking conversation. I finished chemo in December of 2017, although I am grateful to be finished, it always feels like you are waiting on that call in the middle of the night. Hard to shake, but it is now a part of my reality. I watched my wonderful husband die from cancer last year, one of my dear friends also. I have several friends now in treatment, does it ever end? My prayer is for peace and long life for all.