As we start the new year, there are plenty of tips floating around again about how to lose weight, eat healthier, practice self-care, get organized, better utilize your time, become a better person or whatever. Some of them might be helpful. Many of them, not so much.
For some reason, one piece of advice that’s always annoyed me no matter what time of year I see or hear it is this one: don’t look back; you’re not going that way.
How many times have you heard or read that one?
Quite a few, right? And let’s see, there are other similar gems like: You can’t start a new chapter unless you close the old one. If you look back, you’ll miss what’s ahead of you. You can’t move on until you put it behind you. Blah, blah, blah.
The heck with all that. I will look any darn way I please, thank you very much.
What about you?
When someone tells you what to do or what not to do, it’s human nature to resist or push back, I suppose. Any parent of a toddler (or a teenager) will likely tell you they experience this resistance first hand on a daily basis. But it’s not just toddlers and teens. They just happen to often be more bold about resisting directions. But when you think about it, most of us don’t appreciate being told what to do or what not to do.
So why is there so much advice handed out about everything, especially at the start of a new year?
And why is it so often suggested that we not look back?
Yeah, I know it’s all about fresh starts and clean slates, but still…
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When I took driver’s ed back in junior high, we all got to sit in a driver simulation seat setup of some sort. That was pretty thrilling. I remember my instructor telling us we should be checking our rear view mirrors often. Super often. Like every ten seconds or something like that. We were supposed to look back and OFTEN!
That advice stuck. I mean, here I am I’m telling you about it decades later!
Of course, I probably don’t check my rear view mirror that often when I’m out driving around, but I do check it frequently because that’s what you do when you try to drive defensively.
I mean, what driver hasn’t experienced spotting that annoying driver in the rear view mirror who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere and is suddenly right on your ass?
I sure have.
So yeah, you gotta check what’s coming up from behind. And you have to do it often.
Keeping with the driving theme, how can you possibly get to your destination without knowing where you’re coming from? You can’t get from point A to point B any other way.
So, what does any of this have to do with starting a new year, or cancer, or grief or anything, for that matter?
Actually, quite a lot.
Look back. Look ahead. Do both. I plan to.
How could we not?
This year, like every year, I move forward, yes. Move on…that’s another highway story.
Regardless, if I wanna look back, I’ll look back. (Why wouldn’t I? People I love are there.) When I wanna look forward, I’ll do that. If I wanna close my eyes and look nowhere at all, I’ll do that. Of course, not when I’m driving. I promise.
You are allowed to do the same.
After all, it’s your road. It’s your rear view mirror. It’s your life. It’s your new year to navigate any way you choose.
You are in the driver’s seat, metaphorically speaking and depending on your driving status, literally too.
Buckle up for the new year ahead. Ready or not, it’s here!
May it be a smooth, gentle ride for us all.
How do you feel about the advice, don’t look back; you’re not going that way?
What’s some advice you’ve read or been given that you’ve ignored? Or taken?
What will be one of your biggest challenges in 2019?
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Note from Nancy: I wrote about cancer language, moving forward vs. moving on, cancer worry, survivor guilt, loss, pet grief, COVID-19, DIEP flap surgery, life as an introvert, aging, resiliency, and more in EMERGING. Available at Amazon and most other online booksellers. Click on the image below to order your copy today!
Beth Gainer
Tuesday 9th of January 2024
Great post, Nancy! I think it's important to look back. After all, our pasts are so important to help us understand others and ourselves. I also like to look forward, but not too much because sometimes my imagination runs amok. Where I feel most comfortable these days is in the present. It's not always easy to live in the present but for me, it helps me psychologically.
Thanks for another thought-provoking post.
Wendy
Wednesday 18th of January 2023
One thing that I keep reading from other women - and experienced it myself - was the speed that things happened following a cancer diagnosis. Often the cancer is found by chance as part of a routine mammogram screening, but the next thing we know is that we're off on the diagnostic and treatment helter skelter! Tests, scans, x-rays, MRIs, and then we're expected to make decisions about surgery/surgeries / reconstruction or flat / chemo / radiotherapy / hormone therapy / post-surgery complications like cording and lymphedema. No wonder we're looking back, sideways and forward. Part of being a thinking human being is having perspective. How do you know where you're going, if you don't know where you've been? So many women with BC find that the speed of the medical world (especially with quick scheduling) doesn't really allow them time to think, reflect, make informed decisions and reassure them that they're on the right track. Look back, gain perspective, see where you are now and check in with yourself to see if you're happy with where you are and where you're heading. Thanks, Nancy, for this platform to rant.
Nancy
Thursday 19th of January 2023
Wendy, You are so right about that speed in which things get going following a diagnosis. It's too fast, really. The decisions are too huge to be rushed and yet that's what happens. I also agree that how can we know where we're going if we don't look back? I say, look whichever way you want and as often as you need to. Perspective comes with looking every which way. Thank you for chiming in on this one. My best to you in the new year.
Linda C Boberg
Wednesday 12th of January 2022
Well, I try not to look back (no one had to advise me). After all, I can't change anything. But I do relive parts of my life that were pleasant - is that looking back? Do what makes you happy.
Nancy
Friday 14th of January 2022
Linda, Exactly. Do whatever makes you happy. Thank you for commenting.
Secret Agent Woman
Sunday 13th of January 2019
I imagine the saying is about not staying mired in the past BUT what's the point of good experiences if you can't relive them in your mind? Half the fun of travel, for instance, is remembering the experience later. And as for the bad memories - those have value, too. The difficult times shape us as surely, or possibly more surely, than the good. I don't want to be exhorted to forget them.
Nancy
Monday 14th of January 2019
Secret Agent Woman, I agree completely. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Laura T.
Thursday 10th of January 2019
I had panic attacks for years, read on the net that a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist could be of help. I went for five visits, the last one being seven months ago, yeah me, I have not had a panic attack since then. We covered many things in those visits, one being finding the answer to my question “why do I try to control everything even when I know deep down that I can’t.” The answer came clear by looking back, this has made a great deal of difference in my life, now I control what I can and don’t attempt to control the rest. The last thing the therapist said to me was “visit the past once in a while.”
Nancy
Thursday 10th of January 2019
Laura, I'm glad your therapists was helpful and that you haven't had any recent panic attacks. Interesting that that was the last thing your therapist said to you. Sometimes looking back is exactly what we need to do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.