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Still Blogging…

I keep blogging because I am not done with breast cancer. I am not done with blogging about it either. I don’t even want to be done. Some might think such statements sound strange. Who wouldn’t want to be done with breast cancer and/or blogging about it?

I know that I will never be “done” with breast cancer. It will always be there, much like a lingering shadow. The experience is part of me; quite literally it is part of my DNA. Obviously, it is part of my past. The ramifications are part of my present. The threat is still part of my own and my family’s future. This is just a fact. Of course, I most definitely want to be done with rogue cancer cells within my own body. Those little bastards I wish to be totally done with. I am most grateful to be NED. I am. I hope to stay in the clear. But that is not what I am talking about.

The simple truth is that I will never be “done” with breast cancer because cancer is not a before and after life experience, at least not for me. I am not over it. I cannot just be done. While much of it is behind me, much of it is not, and never will be. I am not sure I even want to forget about it. Doesn’t matter; that’s not possible anyway.

Does this make sense to you?

I know it does to some and to others it does not, and either way you see it, is fine with me.

Quite often I see images on Facebook, Instagram and elsewhere with supposedly inspirational messages that say things like, you can’t open the next chapter (of your life) until you close the last one, or you can’t move forward until you let go of the past. Stuff like that. (why can’t I think of more right now?)

I don’t agree with many of such cliche pieces of meant-to-be inspirational advice on how to move on. They don’t work for me and sometimes I admit it, they make me feel like I’m doing cancer survivorship all wrong, but at the same time I know I’m not. I can only do things my way, as can you. Obviously, such messages do work for many; which once again, is totally fine with me.

This does not mean I am stuck in the past. I am not stuck in the past. I am not stuck in cancer, but it is part of my daily life for many reasons, some of which you know about and some of which I keep to myself for privacy reasons. Not mine so much, but my family’s.

Like I have said many times, this blog is my safe place to “talk cancer”. I want it to be a safe place for you too. I want it to be a safe forum where we can all share, rant, learn, support, lean on, advise, listen and just be there for each other.

I keep sharing about personal and not so personal stuff because I am still driven for whatever reason to do so. I continue to try to make a difference to others new to the cancer path and also to those who care about them. I keep at it because I care deeply about my sisters and brothers with mets whom I will never abandon. Never. That would be like abandoning family. I keep blogging because I want do something meaningful in my mother’s memory. I keep blogging because the pink machine is still going strong and I want to be a squeaky wheel that causes it some angst from time to time. I keep blogging because the topic of dying and loss is not one to be avoided, though it is a tough sell sometimes to even blog about. I keep blogging because you, my dear readers, are still like therapists to me. You are.

I keep blogging because doing so still feels right.

In a nutshell, that is why I am not done.

Not yet.

Where is one of your “safe” places to talk cancer?

Why are you still writing a blog or reading blogs about cancer? Or why have you stopped?

 

Still blogging...

 

 

20 thoughts to “Still Blogging…”

  1. I blog about breast cancer – specifically metastatic breast cancer – and read other cancer blogs to find ways to keep the spotlight on MBC, to find ways to increase the donations that go to funding MBC research for better treatments to help more of us become NED. I’ll never be done blogging about it because I’ll never be done with cancer. There’s no cure for MBC. The squeaky wheels are the ones that get the grease, and right now, we need more grease than what we get – 2%.

  2. I am SO grateful that you continue to blog–yours was one of the first BC blogs I found that articulated my many confused emotions after I finished treatment in 2012.
    I took a long break recently and asked myself some of the questions you pose here. I needed the break from trying to process fears about cancer, but I certainly was not able to “move on”–on the contrary, my fear of it was clouding my mind, getting in the way of writing. I intend to keep writing for now,

    1. CC, Thanks for the kind words. I’m glad you found me during that confusing time. There’s a lot to be confused about isn’t there? I’m still trying to figure stuff out too. I am thrilled that you intend to keep writing for now. Guess we’ll both be at it a bit longer then. xx

  3. So glad you’re still blogging. I’m apparently right in the middle of a bit of a blogging break, as I make my annual oncology rounds…I hope to get back to it pretty soon as I “officially” celebrate 5 years NED. I started blogging because it was kind of therapeutic for me…helped to get things out. I continue to blog (once I get back to it) because I think it helps others understand that they aren’t alone in feeling the things they may be feeling…that someone else understands. And I love the opportunity to help & encourage when readers reach out. I read blogs because they help ME find others who understand why I feel the way I feel sometimes. I enjoy your great blog.

    1. Kimberly, It sounds like we blog for many of the same reasons. I do love the community and I agree, reading blogs others write helps me tremendously too. I enjoy reading everyone’s varied, yet somehow connected experiences. So validating. Thank you for stopping by and for the kind words.

  4. Nancy thank you so much for your blogging site. At times I feel so lonely trying to “move on” from cancer treatment. Many of my friends (not meaning any harm) say haven’t you been done with cancer a while? Move on they say and I thought that’s how it would be, take care of it and it’s over. But no I have chronic bloods clots in my leg from chemo treatment I wear compression socks daily and always hurt, and from the Aromasin my body hurts so bad. I do try to keep very positive but yes breat cancer is part of me and always will be. This blog helps and I have a great support group I go to. Thank you my new friends.
    Kathy colbert

    1. Kathy, Oh gosh, I understand completely. I know what you mean. We move on in some ways, but in others we do not and never will. This is the new reality for many of us. I’m glad you find my blog helpful. It means a lot when someone says that. I’m also glad to hear you have a great support group to go to too. That can be so helpful. Thank you for sharing some thoughts. I appreciate your supportive words. And thank you for reading Nancy’s Point and being part of this forum.

  5. I find it interesting when I hear people express those well-meaning but completely out of touch sentiments. I know they say it because the thought of metastatic disease makes them feel uncomfortable, they are probably scared too underneath it all. My pet peeve is the “battle” cliché. Everyone is “battling” cancer, it’s in almost every article in the popular media, in every obituary, and even in ads from renowned medical institutions.

    As a health care person who has not personally experienced cancer, I have to mention my observations, and don’t even get me started on the health care and cancer care as a commodity issue- sitting in the airport yesterday I heard a TV blaring an ad for a local cancer center, and I found it distasteful the way they prey on emotions to sell their product, which is a whole other topic for another day.

    When there is only a dichotomy that is acceptable- either you’re a pink-clad “survivor” who needs to move past it and only discuss the positives, or you’re “battling”, there is no other category in the public images or in the media. The public consciousness only seems to grasp those two packaged images. There is nothing else discussed or seen. And that is why we have such limited treatment options for those who are somewhere else along the cancer experience. The efforts to increase media attention and public awareness outside these narrow categories (sorry but “awareness” is another of my peeve words, maybe consciousness is a better term) are a good thing, but slow to evolve.

    On a personal level of course there is no right or wrong way to process your life experiences. Blogging is therapeutic for the writer and enlightening for the reader. That is the beauty of the blog- to step outside the narrow categories of everyday popular media and show what it’s really like to live it. So keep blogging!

    1. Alene, One of my pet peeves is that “battle” mantra too. I am so weary of that one and yet you see it day in a day out. Thank you for sharing your observations. They are quite insightful. I especially note your words about those two packaged images. You might be right. There doesn’t always seem to be a lot of room for other ‘positions’ (can’t think of a better word right now). Sometimes survivors do feel boxed in or like they don’t fit the mold quite right for how to do survivorship. This is changing, of course, but there are still those stereotypes. Thanks for adding to this discussion.

    1. LuLu, I do think of myself as a realist about many things, not just cancer. We can’t keep trying to make something simple, pretty or easy when it’s not. Nothing about cancer is any of those things. Thank you for reading and commenting.

  6. I kept planning on stopping blogging, but I keep going. It is my safe place to talk cancer, and I too am doing survivorship wrong. Although I am not NED, I am not officially mets either, so I am in cancer-limbo, and I have to talk about it somewhere. My husband needs quiet non-cancer time where we have a normal life. I have been trying to write about more things, we will see how that goes! 🙂

    1. Mandi, It’s nice to have a safe place to talk cancer isn’t it? You are not doing survivorship wrong. Each of us does it our own way. It must be hard feeling like you’re in cancer-limbo and yes, you absolutely have to talk about it somewhere. Keep writing about whatever you want to write about. We are out here to listen. Thanks for stopping by and sharing.

  7. After going through such an extraordinary experience as cancer, I could never forget, nor do I want to. I started blogging as my way to give back to the breast cancer community. What surprised me was how healing and cathartic it was for me to blog and the sense of community I found among other bloggers and commenters. I have experienced a lot of healing, but I continue to give back because I love this community.

    1. Eileen, This community loves you too, Eileen, and I know I speak for many in saying we are very happy you keep blogging. Thank you for reading and commenting too.

  8. Nancy, I totally get it. While going through treatment, I was naive to think I’d one day be “done” with cancer. However, 13 years later, and I’m not done. I feel safe commenting and blogging about cancer. I also blog to make up for years of being stifled — when one has cancer, one’s feelings of control go out the window. That control was taken from me, so writing helps give me a feeling of control, not over the disease, but of my feelings. I’m hoping this makes sense.

    Anyway, I also blog to help others and to be heard. I keep telling myself I’ll keep blogging, but about other topics some day. But I have plenty of material on cancer to still write about….

    1. Beth, Yes, you do totally get it and I am grateful for that. I love the safe place the breast cancer blogging community has created for writers and readers of blogs. And I am so glad you are part of it. xoxo

  9. ‘I blog, therefore I am’ is the first thing that popped in to my head after reading this. 😉

    Blogs are our sacred space. I say this as one who has chosen not to blog much this year, because I’m trying to get that sacred space feeling back into my daily life and work life. It’s a struggle every day still. For all of us, it always will be. Heaven knows, we’ll never run out of things to say!

    Love to you and happy blogoversary. xoxo

    1. Kathi, I love that thought that popped into your head. Blogs are rather sacred places aren’t they? I am glad you are still blogging when you can and still reading and commenting on blogs others write too. Your voice is so unique, so precious and so very much needed. Thank you for stopping by and for the good wishes too. xoxo

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