There Will Be Tears at Christmas

For some, there will be tears at Christmas, and this is okay.

The holiday season doesn’t feel festive for everyone. For some, it’s a rough time of year. If you’re feeling sad or even dreading the holidays, this post is for you.

Some might say, there she goes again writing about loss, grief and tears during the holidays.

Why be such a Debbie Downer?

Maybe even you, Dear Readers, wonder why I choose to write about this topic every year. Nobody wants to talk or even think about loss, grief and tears this time of year.

I find the opposite to be true; many people do want to talk about these things this time of year.

In fact, many need to talk about these things. I get emails regularly from people wanting very much to talk about these things during the holidays. The reason is quite simple. Loss, grief and tears don’t take a break during the holidays.

There will be tears at Christmas.

Of course, it’s not just grief and loss that continue. All one has to do is turn on the news to know there is no reprieve from bad things happening this time of year. And lately, the news often feels worse than usual. A lot worse.

On top of that, perhaps you’ve recently been diagnosed with cancer. Perhaps you’re undergoing harsh and scary treatment right now. Perhaps your loved one is. Perhaps your future feels very uncertain, for whatever reason. Perhaps you’re missing the old you. Perhaps you’re missing a dear one.

There will be tears at Christmas.

The holidays can be an emotional time for those who grieve. This is true for me as well.

For example, when I decorate my tree with ornaments that each tell a story, I remember each one and yes, I grieve, too, as I remember.

There will be tears at Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, I will remember that Christmas Eve. The Christmas Eve when we received the devastating news about my mother’s rapidly advancing metastatic disease. It’s been ten years. Ten years since that Christmas. It still feels like yesterday. I will never forgive you, Cancer, for being so cruel at Christmas.

You can read about all that in my memoir, Cancer Was Not a Gift & It Didn’t Make Me a Better Person.

There will be tears at Christmas.

I think about how Christmas feels different now – now that I have no living parents. Christmas is not the same and never will be again. This is just a fact.

There is still tremendous joy in my heart during the holiday season, but there is also tremendous sadness. I still miss my dad (and my mother, too, of course) so much.

There will be tears at Christmas.

I think about the many families who are experiencing excruciating grief and sorrow this Christmas.

Ilene’s family. Liz’s family. Lori’s family. Kristie’s family — just to name a few newly added families now familiar with the kind of grief metastatic breast cancer delivers.

And there are so many other families who grieve. Perhaps your family.

There will be tears at Christmas.

The holidays are about joy, celebrating and happiness, but this doesn’t mean they cannot also be about moments of sadness, grief and tears. It doesn’t have to be all one without the other. There can be joy. There can be tears.

There will be tears at Christmas.

There is nothing wrong with honoring your grief by feeling it. No one should feel guilty about grieving during the holidays or during any time of year, for that matter.

There will be tears at Christmas.

If you’re grieving, don’t feel badly about feeling moments of joy either. It’s okay to feel sorrow mixed with joy and likewise joy mixed with sorrow.

If you are struggling with a new diagnosis, harsh treatment, fear and uncertainty, missing a beloved dear one, grieving for things as they once were, or if you’re just not feeling the joy for whatever reason, don’t beat yourself up about it.

There will be tears at Christmas.

Honor your true feelings by allowing them to flow through you.

Perhaps then you can feel at least a bit of joy as well.

Yes, there will be tears at Christmas.

And tears at Christmas are okay too.

Note:  Grief can feel very lonely, but others do understand. This post, Grief & the Holidays, Ten Tips that Might Help – might be helpful for some, so I’m tucking it into this one. And this one, Twelve Tips for Getting Through the Holidays After Loss. If you’re grieving, you’re not alone. Others care about you. I care about you.

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Who are your tears for this Christmas?

Are you struggling due to any reason this holiday season? If yes, feel free to share about it, if you want to.

Do you sometimes feel guilty about feeling sad during the holidays?