What if you’re not feeling all that grateful this Thanksgiving? (It happens.)
I love holidays. I love Thanksgiving. In fact, Thanksgiving might be my favorite holiday, or at least it’s at the top of my list. Not sure what this says about me. Okay, yes, it says I like the food! And the togetherness and all the rest…Holidays are great, but holidays can also be stressful due to a lot of reasons.
Taking this even further, what if you’re not feeling all that grateful this Thanksgiving?
Wait, you might be thinking.
Is that allowed?
Well, maybe you’ve just been diagnosed with cancer or some other challenging illness or situation. Maybe you’re sick from chemo or some other treatment. Maybe your loved one just died. Maybe you just lost your job and have no prospects for another. Maybe you just broke up with your significant other. Maybe you’re disheartened by bad news on TV and the state of politics. Maybe you are all alone and don’t want to be. Maybe you are damn tired.
There are lots of reasons why life gets challenging, and challenges don’t magically disappear for the holidays.
So yes, sometimes life gets in the way of gratitude, too, even at Thanksgiving.
I will never forget a comment a reader once left on a blog post of mine. That reader had metastatic breast cancer and was dealing with a lot of issues. She also had young children. Her comment went something like this:
Every night when I tuck my kids in, we take turns telling each other something we’re thankful for. Some nights it’s really hard for me to come up with something, but we, I, always do.
I share this because yes, sometimes it is hard to feel grateful, although usually you can find something to express gratitude for.
But even if you can’t, that’s okay too.
So, yes, it is allowed!
Because you are allowed to feel however you’re feeling.
It’s also okay because gratitude ebbs and flows. Gratitude takes effort, and sometimes, you just aren’t up to the doing part. But maybe the next day, or even the next hour, you will be. So there’s always that.
Gratitude takes practice which means you don’t have to be good at it all the time, does it not?
Sometimes, it also takes patience with one’s self.
There’s a reason the phrase, practicing gratitude, exists.
As I’ve mentioned before, one of the best blogs around about practicing gratitude is one written by my online friend Lisa Valentine. It’s called, Habitual Gratitude.
Lisa’s blog is filled with wisdom, acceptance and humility, as well as practical tips for practicing gratitude. Lisa leads by example. If you have a few spare minutes, check it out.
So, my message in this year’s Thanksgiving ramble is this:
At Thanksgiving and all through the upcoming holiday season, be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient with yourself, even regarding expressing gratitude.
Be you. Be real.
Do your best when practicing gratitude (as well as when cooking, baking, shopping, cleaning, entertaining and all the rest of it) too.
As usual, it’s enough.
Really. It is.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you practice gratitude?
Do you sometimes find it hard to feel grateful?
What’s something you’re grateful for right now, this minute?
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Note from Nancy: I wrote about cancer language, cancer worry, survivor guilt, loss, pet grief, COVID-19, DIEP flap surgery, life as an introvert, aging, resiliency, and more in EMERGING. Available at Amazon and most other online booksellers. Click on the image below to order your copy today!
Beth L. Gainer
Thursday 16th of November 2023
Hi Nancy,
I'm grateful for every day I'm alive. Considering I had cancer and various treatments that made me sick, plus too many surgeries to think of, I'm glad I'm not in the hospital and grateful I'm NED. I'm grateful for my daughter and cat.
What I'm not grateful for is the fact that radiation damaged my lungs, and now I have asthma and restrictive lung disease. My radiation oncologist either was ignorant or lied to me that I'd have no damage from radiation. How naive was I?
I'm angry about this, although a recent pulmonary function test revealed a marked improvement in my lung capacity, thanks to me exercising and working very hard. THAT I am truly grateful for.
Mary Ireland
Wednesday 15th of November 2023
Hi, Nancy,
Sometimes feeling gratitude is a foreign thought, when I feel like I am grasping at straws. Grateful I swallowed all my pills? That the sun is out? That the dishwasher isn't full yet?
The big grateful issues, like feeling glad to be alive, don't always occur to me. Perhaps because, even after cancer diagnosis, surgery, and ongoing treatment, I haven't questioned being alive. Is that a form of denial? Yet I am always conscious of the possibility of local recurrence or metastasis.
Having breast cancer was a shock. I am not grateful for that. My gratitude extends, as it always has, to the wonderful, supportive friends and family I am blessed with, even if I sometimes curtail my complaints around them. I am grateful that your blog and my journal allow me to vent when I need to.
Nancy
Thursday 16th of November 2023
Mary, Gratitude is complex. And, like other feelings, it ebbs and flows. The constant though is gratitude for family and friends. I hear you on that. Thank you for your kind words about the blog. I love that you journal too. Venting somewhere is so helpful!
Lisa Valentine
Wednesday 14th of November 2018
Nancy, I appreciate reading this post and these comments again. In the last two years, many people I care about have faced some true challenges--cancer diagnoses, the death of a child by suicide, aging and advancing dementia--to name a few. I have faced unexpected difficulties as well. Your words are worth repeating. "Be you. Be real. It is enough." Living gratefully reminds me both that I am enough and Have enough. Thank you!
Nancy
Friday 16th of November 2018
Lisa, Thank you for reading this one again. I'm sorry so many people you care about have been faced with such difficult challenges and that you have been as well. During such times, during any time, being allowed to be genuine is so important to well-being. And it's such a simple gift to offer others and ourselves, of course. I appreciate your insights. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, Lisa.
Beth L. Gainer
Tuesday 29th of November 2016
Hi Nancy,
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday too! Perhaps this is because it truly is an American holiday with no religious bent unless one wants it to be. This Thanksgiving was difficult because I knew that my cat Cosette was ill and would be put to sleep the next day. Grief intertwined with thankfulness. I was thankful she would no longer be suffering and thankful to have one more night cuddling my furry, purring pal. Right now, I still am thankful for her: she helped me through cancer treatment, divorce, and my bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. She did her job on Earth, and I couldn't have asked for more. So, despite my grief, I am thankful. I think we can all ferret out some thankfulness every day, no matter how difficult it may be.
Nancy
Wednesday 30th of November 2016
Beth, Oh gosh, TG must have been rough for you this year knowing the very next day you'd be putting Cosette to sleep. I am glad you have so many wonderful memories of her. It's incredible how our dear pets help us through trying times. And of course, they make the good times even better. They witness it all. When we have to say goodbye, it's so hard. I am so sorry, Beth. Thank you for sharing thoughts on gratitude. Hugs to you.
Doris Russell
Thursday 24th of November 2016
I am grateful that I didn't have the breast cancer return and didn't have to go through surgery or radiation but dread my next mammeogram and it returning.
Nancy
Wednesday 30th of November 2016
Doris, Good luck with your next mammo. Thank you for reading and sharing.